


One Safe Place

by ficdirectory



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Foster Care, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, One Safe Place Universe, Parent-Child Relationship, Past Child Abuse, Protective Siblings, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 28,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22022407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ficdirectory/pseuds/ficdirectory
Summary: An AU where The Avoiders (of the Disuphere Universe) are taken into foster care and find safety as children.
Comments: 50
Kudos: 5





	1. Bullet

When bullets fly, you don’t wait. You duck. Or you run.

People tell Laura all the time, “You really dodged a bullet on the parenting thing.” But kids aren’t bullets. They’re not things you run from. They’re not metal projectiles meant to kill you. They’re human beings. And the truth is, Laura has always wanted them.

She’s just not so sure she’s ready to raise them.

But she’s got Michael. She’s got her best friend. She’s got the sweet couple down the street and a few houses over as backup.

And she’s got a fostering license.

The kids come in a blur. There’s hardly time to breathe between kids before the next one arrives. Every time they go back to their bio homes or on to an adoptive home, it breaks Laura’s heart.

She’s about to call and ask them to take her name off the board - enjoy a little R and R with Michael on the east coast somewhere. Far away from Laura’s own bio home and any chance of running into relatives.

“Honey? They have an 8-year-old boy named Levi, who needs an emergency placement,” Michael says.

“Did you already tell them yes?” Laura asks a little testy. (Michael loves this fostering thing, like  _ loves _ it. Wants to say yes to all the kids, all the time and sometimes he gets so into hearing about a kid that he forgets to mention those details to Laura in the first place.)

“Woman, aren’t you ever gonna let me live that down?” Michael asks, smiling apologetically. “Of course I didn’t tell them yes already.”

“Well… What are you waiting for?” she asks with a smile.

“I love you, babe,” he says, hanging up the phone. He looks longingly at the bags, all packed for a trip to Maine.

“I so wanted some bluebies.”

“Babe? Don’t call them bluebies,” Laura shakes her head. “We have time. We’ll go later.”

“You know there’s not gonna be a time when no kids need us, right? You know that?” Michael asks.

“Yes, I know that,” Laura nods.

“And that’s what I love most about you,” he says, leaning in to kiss her.


	2. Lesson

If there’s one lesson Levi’s learned, it’s to be quiet. If he tells, bad things happen.

(Obviously. First, his grandma. Then, his dad. Then, his mom just...gave up on caring for him.  _ She  _ offered to take him in. Levi knew he had a sister. Wanted to meet her and live with her. But it was different than he imagined.)

Then stuff happened and before he even knew it there were people at school, saying he’s going to a different house today. Just for a while. Until things could get straightened out.

(Was Levi the crooked thing? He was, he bet.)

It’s like, one day he’s in fifth grade, as usual, and the next? He’s getting dropped off at another house, with a bag over his shoulder. None of his treasures. Not even his sister. Or Hagrid. He misses Hagrid most of anything. He was always protecting Levi.

(Did she not like him? Maybe she called to get him out of her house…)

“Hi, Levi. My name is Laura Elizabeth, and this is Michael.” He catches a flash of brightness. Yellow from the woman’s scarf. The man has glasses and very white teeth.

He ignores the social worker, who has a voice like all the adults in the old Charlie Brown cartoons.  _ Womp-womp-womp-womp-womp-womp. _

Levi comes in and sits on the couch. He knows how this goes. There were other homes between hers and this one. Because no one can handle him. Because he’s bad. 

Bad things happen if he tells. But if he doesn’t tell, bad things still happen. So what is he supposed to do?

The social worker leaves. 

Levi clutches his bag and glances around. He can’t talk in new places. With new people. When they offer to take him on a tour of the house, and the woman offers her hand, Levi pretends he doesn’t see it.

He looks for dog bowls in the kitchen. Bells on the back door. A leash or any toys.

Zip. 

Dang it.

This place has so many bedrooms. But he seems like the only kid. 

What will he do in a mansion with no dogs to play with, even?

“Do you have any questions?” Michael asks, breaking through Levi’s thoughts.

And he does. He has billions of questions:  _ Where’s Hagrid? Can he come and live here? Does Pearl hate me? Can I go to the bathroom? Can I shower myself? Will you leave my hair alone?  _ But Levi can’t say any of this.

He sits on the couch and his fingers slowly inch toward the remote control. He checks to see if the adults are watching. They’re not.

But then, Michael’s looking at him, expression open. Curious.

Levi raises his eyebrows a little, his hand hovering over the remote control.

“You wanna watch TV? Sure. We’ve got The Disney Channel, PBS, everything,” he invites.

Levi tries not to smile. This guy reminds him of Dad, even though he’s way younger. Dad always used to say goofy stuff like  _ The _ Disney Channel and not calling PBS PBS _ Kids _ like you’re supposed to.

Levi clicks on the remote. Finds most of the channels need a secret code to work. But the ones Michael mentioned are open.

His gaze flickers to Michael’s again, confused.

“Because this is a safe place, with safe adults that means we make safe choices about what we watch. Safe means Laura Elizabeth and I, we protect kids from getting hurt. That includes from seeing scary stuff on television.”

Levi shrugs. He’s so not scared of TV.

He spends the next hour trying to break the code to watch the other channels, just because it’s more interesting than trying to watch baby television shows.

At dinner, he picks. Levi tries to eat, because it’s polite, but he’s so nervous. Because food.

But they don’t get mad at him.

After dinner, Laura asks if he has homework and he goes and gets his backpack, drags it to the table and gets to work. He doesn’t need help. Levi ignores every single time Laura offers. He finishes everything in no time and then slides his assignment sheet over to her, tapping the line.

“Ah. Guardian signature. I can do that,” she smiles.

Levi watches closely. He loves the loopy way she makes her L’s.

When it’s time to get ready for bed, Levi freezes. Then thaws. Then goes to the bathroom finally, leaving the door ajar just like before. Because those were the rules.

“Hey, Levi? Since this is a safe house and we protect the kids here? Part of that means privacy. That means we close the door when we’re in the bathroom, alright?”

Levi’s heartbeat speeds up. Michael didn’t say, but he can feel that he did something wrong. He hurries up to close the door and moves the little stool from in front of the sink to in front of the door. Just in case.

He goes pee and it feels like a big relief. His stomach hurts from holding it. But if they went over bathroom rules before, Levi missed it.

Levi brushes his teeth. But he doesn’t want to change into the pajamas brought from her house. They’re just a long tee shirt of  _ hers _ . Ew.

He wants his own  _ Harry Potter _ pajamas. Or  _ Pokemon _ . Or basically anything with characters. But characters had only gotten him made fun of. So he came back out still all the way dressed.

“Need some PJs?” Michael asks.

Levi shakes his head.

He crawls into bed in the blue bedroom and ignores the story Laura Elizabeth reads. His bed feels too light without Hagrid.

It isn’t fair that Levi keeps on having to move...but he knows by now that that’s just what happens.

He stays awake a long time that first night.


	3. Wind

Levi’s exhausted and wakes up crabby on Saturday. No homework to do for the whole weekend - if he got it done early back at home - would usually mean lots of fun stuff. Playing outside. Hanging out with Dad.

But no. He’s not with Dad. Or Mom. Or the old strangers. He’s with these new ones.

Levi creeps out of bed and to the door. He can hear they’re already awake and listens to them talk all about him:

“Did he say anything to you yesterday?” Michael asks.

“What do you mean?” Laura Elizabeth wonders.

“Verbally? Did he talk to you?” Michael insists.

“Well, no. But what does that matter, Michael? He was communicating just fine.” Laura Elizabeth says. (Levi decides he might like her a little.)

“I just mean...do we know if he  _ can _ speak? Like, is he physically able to?” Michael presses some more.

Levi’s face burns, embarrassed-hot. Yeah, he can talk. But talking’s what started all this anyway. So, he’s just not talking for a while.

“The notes from his caseworker say he was talking at school until Dad died recently. That makes sense.” Laura Elizabeth says.

Levi stands there, frozen again.  _ That’s not what happened! _ He wants to shout it but all the words are stuck inside. These people don’t know. How Mom got too sad and dropped Levi off with  _ her _ . Because they were family, kinda.

Pearl was his sister, even though they never met.

Levi shakes his head. His breathing sounds so loud like wind. He’s sure they’re gonna hear him. Come find out he’s been eaves-dropping. That’s rude. He’ll be in trouble for sure. 

He inches back inside and closes the door.

\--

Levi stays in his room until Michael comes and knocks. “May I come in?”

And what’s Levi supposed to do? All of his words are gone.

He gets up and opens the door.

“You want breakfast?” Michael wonders.

Levi shrugs. He does. A lot. Pancakes smell great but food makes him nervous. He gets to the kitchen and sits. Laura Elizabeth gives him two fluffy pancakes with butter and syrup on the side if he wants. Crunchy bacon. But no peanut butter.

His eyes get teary. Hagrid always loved Levi’s bacon. And pancakes tasted best with smooth peanut butter and maple syrup.

Butter’s gross.

“Hey… What is it?” Laura asks, her voice sad, and Levi is reminded of Dad. He always sounded concerned just like this. But there’s also embarrassment from his time with  _ her _ .  _ She _ hated it when he cried. He always had to put it away.

So Levi tries to breathe in his tears. Only a baby cries over perfect bacon and no peanut butter.

“Nothing,” he whispers.

“Doesn’t look like nothing to me…” Laura Elizabeth says, so gently. “Levi, if something is wrong, or you need something different, it’s okay to tell me. I want to help, okay?”

“Bacon’s really good…” he whispers again, crunching it. More tears leak out of his eyes.

“The bacon’s making you sad because it’s good?” Laura asks.

Levi nods.

He doesn’t tell her about Hagrid loving bacon. Or about the secret of the smooth peanut butter making everything taste better.

\--

They take Levi shopping and it goes by in a blur of crowds and bright buzzing lights and pressure to say what he likes.

“You can pick anything you like that says 8 on the tag,” Michael urges.

“Or nod or shake your head,” Laura Elizabeth adds.

But Levi can’t think. Because  _ she  _ always comes to this store. And wants him to just walk behind carrying stuff, and use his own money to pay for something for  _ her _ .

They go by the candy aisle and he can feel  _ her _ nails digging into the back of his neck. Laura Elizabeth and Michael don’t notice right away that Levi’s on the ground by the Twizzlers, all curled up.

His legs just gave up on him. Said,  _ Nope, sorry. We’re done for now. Maybe forever. You’ll just have to live here by the Twizzlers. Good luck running away if  _ she _ comes back to buy some… _

“Hey, Levi… What happened?” Michael wonders, soft. “Did you fall?”

Levi can’t move. If he does, something terrible might happen.

“Hon’?” he calls and it’s way too loud. Levi wants to cover his ears but all the sounds just keep pouring in. The floor is smooth and shiny at least. It feels good. Like it’s Levi’s one good thing.

“Levi? Hey…” Laura says coming over to sit by the lump that’s him. 

(If this were  _ her _ , she would grab him up rough and insist he walk like a normal person. It happened before. Even last week.)

“We’re safe adults, okay? We’re not mad. We wanna help,” Laura Elizabeth says.

“Is everything okay here?” a stranger asks, and Levi jumps.

“We’re fine,” Laura says.

Levi can hear their cart drive close and stop. Are they gonna put him in there for punishment? Will he have to ride like a baby because he can’t walk right now?

He touches the smooth floor and it helps some. Helps him forget he’s right by the gross Twizzlers.

Laura’s asking him a bunch of questions but her voice is going all  _ womp-womp  _ again. It doesn’t make sense.

“It’s nice, right?” Michael’s voice says, from right near Levi and he peeks out with one eye. Michael’s right down on the floor, too.

Levi hides his face again. People will think they’re the weird family or something. It’s embarrassing and he’s gonna be in trouble for sure.

But Michael just says. “We have time. But I wanna ask you a question. Do you need help right now? Just nod or shake your head.”

Carefully, Levi nods.

“If you need, I can carry you,” Michael offers, like Levi’s not eight whole years old.

“Too big,” Levi rasps.

“You’re not though. You are the perfect size,” Michael reassures. “You want a lift?”

“Not in there…” Levi whispers, with a scared look at the cart.

“No. Not in there. I’d carry you right with me,” Michael reassures.

“Okay,” Levi says, letting his whole body soak in the smooth shiny floor for a bit before Michael confirms one more time, asking Levi to nod, if he’s still okay with being picked up.

He does.

It feels safe in Michael’s arms. He’s not Dad, but he is  _ a _ dad.

He still can’t pick anything. Levi can’t let them know what he likes. 

Going through checkout is still the worst - more candy - and more memories. He clings to Michael and feels shaky. So Michael knows to avoid this part and they walk to the end of the lane.

Laura Elizabeth pays and then they’re ready.

But on their way out the door, Levi smells it before he sees it.

“Starbucks… Please can I get some?” he asks. It’s more than he’s said at one time since being here.

“I didn’t know you were a Starbucks guy,” Michael says. “We have a lot of this stuff at home, actually. I know the fancy stuff looks great, and it is, but it’s also expensive.”

“Please, though…” Levi begs. “We don’t got pumpkin drinks at your house…”

“Levi…” Laura Elizabeth says, walking up with their full cart. “Not this time, okay?”

And he slumps. Feels like melting back onto the floor.

Just like  _ her _ .

And just like before.

Why did he think anything was going to change?


	4. Resurface

The rest of the weekend went okay. He still did get to eat at home, so it wasn’t like being with her when she lied all the time. But it wasn’t the same as getting to drink a pumpkin drink from Starbucks and he felt sad about that the rest of Saturday and all of Sunday, too.

Laura and Michael tried to distract him and make him feel better, but it never worked.

Now it’s Monday. That means school. And it’s the worst to go back to the same school Levi went to before all this. To go back to fifth grade like nothing happened. 

He wakes up in a tangle of wet, cold sheets. (He knew it was only a matter of time before this happened.) And he braces himself. Before he can let himself think too much about it he changes into school clothes and brings the sheets and PJs into the laundry room.

He opens the washer, puts the detergent in and stares at the buttons. These are different than the dial at her house. He guesses though. Some hot water to kill germs. Heavy / longest cycle. But first, he looks around for bleach. Doesn’t see any.

So he just gets his backpack and loads it up with a jar of peanut butter, an apple and a spoon and eases open the back door.

A loud, loud alarm scares the daylights out of Levi. He bolts outside to hide. (Always safer outside than in.) If this was his old house with his dad, Hagrid would be with him, to protect him, but not anymore.

“Levi?” Michael calls.

Levi crouches under the deck, holding his breath. Hopes there’s no creepy animals or bugs under here. 

It’s still dark out but his watch says it’s 7:18. He might need a good head start to get to his school by 9:00. He’s got to figure out where he is first. Just like that, he almost cries, because he remembers he doesn’t have his phone anymore.

No way to know where he is.

“Hey…” 

Just like that, Michael’s there. Levi feels like he feels when he plays hide and seek and he picks a really easy hiding place. The game goes by too fast. But this isn’t a game. Plus, his sheets and blanket are all peed in their washing machine  _ and  _ he set off a super loud alarm.

“Where are you headed?” Michael asks easily.

“School…” Levi mumbles.

“Still kinda early for school. It’s not even daylight yet. What do you say, we come back inside, have some breakfast, brush our teeth and our hair and then Laura and I can drive you,” Michael says.

“No…” Levi shakes his head.

“No?” Michael asks. “Doesn’t sound like a good idea?”

Levi shakes his head again. He hangs onto the little diamond shaped wooden pieces of the little fence thing surrounding under the deck.

“I want my dog,” Levi says, and his voice cracks a little. He works to keep it steady. He’s eight. Eight year olds don’t cry.

“What kind of dog?” Michael asks.

“He’s a mastiff...named Hagrid,” Levi shares. Then, he’s not sure if this was right to do or not. Would Hagrid get in trouble?

“A fan of  _ Harry Potter _ , I see,” Michael nods with a big smile.

“Me and my Dad,” Levi nods. “Anyway, I really need my dog.”

“He still living at your house with your mom?” Michael checks.

“Maybe…” Levi hedges. “Is he gonna be in trouble?”

“Hagrid? Nah, Hagrid’s not gonna be in any trouble at all. I’m gonna see what I can do, okay? What do you say we go back in the house? It’s cold out here.”

“Am I in trouble?” Levi asks.

“No. If something sudden happens around here...like the alarm system going off on the house...we just have a calm discussion about it. That’s all,” Michael explains.

Finally, Levi comes out from under the deck, and makes his way back in the house. His nerves are still on edge from the noise. He’s tense. Laura’s up, too. Making breakfast.

Levi hangs back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know about the alarm…”

“You want to have a calm discussion in the living room or the kitchen?” Michael asks.

Levi walks to the living room. Waits.

“So… This is a safe house. It’s called a safe house because it has safe adults in it: Laura and me. In order for it to be safe, we need to know where you are. If you’re in the house. Or in the yard where we can see you? That’s cool. You don’t need to tell us that. But if it’s early in the morning, and we’re sleeping? And you’re looking to get a head start to school by yourself? That’s not safe.”

“Yes, it is,” Levi answers calmly.

“Levi, we need you to listen, okay?” Laura says gently. “Can you do that?”

Levi nods.

“If you’re going to go anywhere we can’t see you. Like away from the house, to a friend’s house, or to school before we’re awake, we need you to tell us.”

“I have to go to school,” Levi says.

“Yes, and you will. Michael and I...or just one of us at a time.... We’ll drive you to school.”

“Safe adults protect kids. And we cannot protect you if we don’t know where you are.” Michael tries again.

“Wait. Like superheroes?” Levi asks.

“Yes. But in order for our power of protection to work, we need to know your location. Does that make sense?” Michael asks.

“Oh. I didn’t know,” Levi says.

“We need you to tell us if you want to go anywhere that’s not the house or the yard, inside the fence in the backyard, or to the end of the grass or the driveway in the front yard,” Laura explains.

“My location was just gonna be school,” Levi admits.

“Okay. So next time, you knock on our door and say, “Michael? I wanna change locations. Can you do that?”

“Yeah,” Levi nods, feeling a little insulted.

“Let’s practice,” Laura encourages.

“No….” Levi insists. “I just wanna go. I don’t want y’all to have to _ know _ I’m going…. You’ll get mad! I know it! My other place I lived...we were never allowed to wake up the mom.”

“Levi. At your other place you lived...was that safe or unsafe?” Michael asks. “Were the adults there calm discussing when kids made mistakes? Protecting kids?”

“No…” he answers.

Laura gets up to go to the kitchen so breakfast doesn’t burn.

“No. So, that place was an unsafe house, with an unsafe adult. This is the opposite. We are not going to be mad at you for needing our protection. We want you to.”

“That makes no sense.” Levi shakes his head.

“We’ll keep talking about it. Maybe put a sign up or something,” Michael considers.

Levi walks from the living room to the kitchen. “My location is changing,” he tries out in a flat, robot voice, like he’s a machine giving out information. (People don’t usually hurt machines.)

“Hey, very good!” Michael says. “I like how you’re practicing telling us your location is changing. What’s happening now is, I’m coming to walk next to you. To be sure we all get to the kitchen safely.”

Levi eats breakfast a little. Then, Michael’s serious about brushing his teeth and hair but Levi’s not ready for either of those things. So he pretends he doesn’t hear them.

But then he gets nervous about how  _ she _ always was if he looked messy at all. Grabs the comb from the sink and brushes his hair. Swishes some mouthwash around in his mouth.

And showing up at school is just as bad as he thought.  _ She _ knows where his school is, too.  _ She  _ came every day to drop him off and pick him up. What if  _ she  _ did again? Did safe adult protecting powers work on unsafe people?

Levi slips inside of school with all the other kids.

They all act like it’s any other day.

Levi knows it isn’t.


	5. Winter

Being back in school is actually not as bad as Levi thought it would be. He still hates being the youngest kid in class, but he’s learned how to blend, by not raising his hand for every single right answer he knows.

Dad taught him that:  _ “Sometimes, it’s best to fall back. Let another person have a turn at answering.” _

It’s not his fault he knows every single answer. That when he does his homework - when he studies - the grades he gets are good. His participation grade is falling, though. So he’s doing a lot of extra work lately to make sure all of his grades stay E’s (like A’s.) The thing is, they grade participation in its own category. And he’s gonna get an N for sure. And an N might as well be an F.

He pours himself into journal entries on books they’re reading.  Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry by Mildred D. Taylor is everything right now. It reminds him of his dad - even though Dad would probably laugh and say: “ _ I’m not  _ that  _ old, son _ !”

And he’s not - he wasn’t. 

Levi focuses back in on school. Tries to figure out how many answers he needs to give today to get his grade back up. He has to read aloud when he’s called on - which, isn’t a problem usually. Just some days he doesn’t feel like it, is all.

They do a timed math test for multiplication facts and even though Levi usually gets 100%, today he gets a lot wrong. Puts his head down on his desk.

He remembers this, from _ her  _ house.

Getting stuff wrong. What happened when he did.

Maybe it’s another safe/unsafe difference, but Levi doubts it. He can’t remember what they said about after school today. Is he supposed to walk home? Take the bus? He still doesn’t know where they even live, just that it’s way too close to where she lives for comfort.

At recess, Levi does something he never does: he leaves school grounds.

He knows he might be in trouble, but they’d have to know he’s gone to catch him at it, and he has plans to be back in twenty minutes.

His old house - where he used to live with his Mom and Dad - is still right by school. If he can just get there, he can maybe convince Mom to let Hagrid come and live with him and Michael and Laura Elizabeth at their house.

“Young man… This isn’t your side of the playground,” an unfamiliar aide says as Levi crosses an imaginary line he crosses every day, to play on the fourth and fifth grade side of the playground. He has to pass the K-3 side first.

Mom and Dad’s house is just past the fifth grade side. If he can just get over there.

“I’m a fifth grader,” he protests.

“How old are you?” she quizzes.

“Eight…” Levi answers, feeling embarrassed. “I really am in Mrs. Johnson’s class. You can even ask her.”

“We don’t waste teachers’ time here,” the aide says sharply. “By the wall, until recess is over.”

Levi is stunned. Feels like he’s stuck on the bricks by some invisible force. Like lightning holding him in place. He never gets in trouble at school. What will Michael and Laura do?

He wants to push away from the wall and start running toward his Mom and Dad’s house, where he used to live, but Levi’s seen what happens to brown kids who act out. Kids who don’t listen. It’s worse than standing by the wall.

He watches as the fourth and fifth graders get in a line to go inside. His whole class looks at him and whispers.

Levi doesn’t look back.

He has to wait for them, and the little kids, too. Then, after everybody else is inside, Levi’s excused to go inside, too.

But not before he gets a slip of pink paper from the aide. “Have your parents sign this, so they’re aware of what went on today.”

Levi opens his mouth. Then closes it.

He walks away, shoving the pink slip in the pocket of his jeans.

Everybody else is already doing Science when he comes back in. Mrs. Johnson asks if he’s okay and he nods. What’s he supposed to do, anyway?

“The new aide thought he was a third grader,” one of Levi’s classmates volunteers. “She made him stand by the wall the whole time at recess.”

“Which aide was this?” Mrs. Johnson asks.

Levi shrugs. “Maybe a sub…” he offers.

“Ah. Well, you’re not in trouble with me. I’ll make sure all the playground aides know you’re my student.”

Levi reaches in his pocket for the crumpled piece of pink paper. “She said give this to them at home. So they know what I did wrong…” Levi admits.

“You can leave that with me. Ah. Perfect. Now I know who to talk to. Thank you, Levi. You can join group 3.”

After school, he still can’t get the idea out of his head and the second the bell rings, he sprints for the doors closest to the playground. He needs to find Hagrid.

This time, when he runs across the playground, nobody stops him.

He stops at the house and knocks on the door. Hard. Harder.

“Mama!” he calls. “Can Hagrid come live with me?! Please?! I need him!”

The door opens and there’s his mom looking sad and way smaller than he remembers.

“Mama...did you shrink?” he asks, confused.

“Baby, you’re not supposed to be here. Not without the social worker,” Mama says, but she hugs him hard anyway.

“Can Hagrid come live with me?” Levi begs.

“Honey, where are your foster parents? Hmm?” she asks.

Levi shrugs. Just then, Hagrid lumbers over and sticks his head between Mama and the door. Licks Levi. 

He can’t stop himself and buries his face in Hagrid’s fur.

Too quick, Levi hears Michael’s voice. “Levi? What are you doing over here?”

“This is Hagrid. He’s my English Mastiff puppy. Well, he’s kinda fully grown, right, Mama?”

“I can see that. We need to go now, Levi,” Michael says.

“Come on, Hagrid,” Levi calls, and the giant happy dog starts to follow. But Mama steps outside.

Michael bends down to look at Levi in the eyes. “Hagrid can’t live at our house, Levi. He belongs to your mom.”

“I do, too!” Levi exclaims. “I want my dog and I want my mom!”

“Honey, Hagrid’s gotta stay right where he is. I’m sorry. I’ll see you soon, alright? But you can’t come over here on your own anymore. It’s against the rules.” Mama says, hugging him.

Levi pushes her away. Can’t see, because all the tears are in his eyes.

He shivers.

This is the very worst day.

Levi can’t listen at all as Michael talks to him on the way home. He’s too exhausted and falls asleep.

There are way too many rules about his life and Levi doesn’t get a say about anything. 


	6. Cruelty

“You’re not supposed to take my dog!” Levi screams. “He’s a safe dog! It’s not fair!”

“I hear that you’re very sad and angry that your dog has to stay with your mom,” Michael says.

“ _ And he’s a safe dog!”  _ Levi repeats, even louder. He’s going out of control. His heartbeat and breathing swerving everywhere.

“And he’s a safe dog. I hear you. Can you turn your volume down just a little bit?” Michael asks.

“No!” Levi sobs.

“There you go. Good job. Levi, I wish your dog could come and stay here with us, too. I do. But taking your dog from your mom wouldn’t be right,” Michael says.

“Taking  _ me _ wasn’t right!” Levi sobs, tossing pillows and beanbags all around a room that’s filled with them. A room that’s just for big feelings.

“I hear you saying that taking you from your mom wasn’t right,” Michael repeats. A beanbag hits him accidentally.

“Levi… I need you to stop what you’re doing and walk over here to me. We’re just gonna take some deep breaths.”

“I don’t need air!” Levi insists, but he really kinda does. He’s out of breath from crying. He’s gasping in huge breaths but it still feels like he can’t breathe well.

“Levi. I’m gonna walk over near you,” Michael says and he does. “Now. I need you to give me that beanbag, please. A second option is, you can drop it on the floor.”

“Zero options!” Levi roars.

“I need you....to slow down…” Michael crouches, so he’s low to the ground. It’s so surprising Levi drops the beanbag right there. “Very good job.” Next, Michael shows Levi how to breathe like he’s dumb or something and doesn’t know how.

But Levi does it, of course. He gives in. Of course, sinking, melting, dissolving all the way into the floor.

And the slow deep breaths just make him cry more. 

Michael waits with him until his crying fades away to almost no sound at all. “Sounds like you’re having a hard day. A hard few days, huh?” Michael asks.

Levi doesn’t look at him. He keeps his face buried in the carpet.

One arm snakes back. One hand grabs the back of Levi’s neck. Fingers pinch the skin there. A magic trick to stop crying.

“Safety first, buddy, alright?” Michael reaches out and moves Levi’s hand off his neck. Holds it gently. “Safe adults protect kids from getting hurt. Sit up here for a minute?” he asks.

Warily, Levi does. He watches as Michael takes something out of his pocket. A red plastic egg like on Easter.

Michael cracks it open and shows him a peach blob like white skin.

“This is Silly Putty. It’s for squeezing, or stretching or rolling. Looks like skin, doesn’t it?”

Levi shrugs.

“Give it a squeeze,” Michael encourages.

Levi pokes it. Barely.

“It doesn’t work…” he offers, hoarse.

“Well, keep trying,” Michael urges. “It might just take some time.”

So, Levi squeezes it a little. Makes it into tiny shapes. Presses it flat. Rolls it in a ball. Squishes it between his fingers.

“When you left your mom’s house the first time, where did you go?” Michael asks casually.

Levi listens, but doesn’t answer.

“Your mother’s name is Nia, right? Nia West?” he checks.

Levi nods.

“And your file says...you were with a different relative before you came to us. Somebody named Carla West?”

“Not my relative,” Levi warns.

“Okay. My point is… I want you to know that Laura and I? We’d never wanna keep you from seeing your dog. Or your mom? Alright?”

“You just did. Just now,” Levi points out and then winces. “Sorry for being rude.”

“You’re not being rude, Levi. Just honest,” Michael reassures.

“The thing is...being a safe adult the way Laura and I are? The kind of safe adults we are? That means we have to listen to other adults who make the rules.”

“I know...the judge…” Levi sighs.

“Right. And right now, the rules are that you can see your mom every week at a special time and place. Not at her house.”

“But Hagrid can’t come to the special time and place…” Levi whines.

“I hear you. That doesn’t sound very fair. But Laura and I can do some checking and see if there’s a way for you to visit Hagrid, too. Okay?” Michael says. “I know how important family is, Levi. I really do. And I don’t wanna keep you from yours. We just have to follow the rules. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir,” Levi answers.

“Okay. You did a great job expressing your feelings and calming down, and--”

“Stop,” Levi interrupts. “No, I didn’t. Don’t tell me good things.”

“That’s fair. Sometimes, we need to build up tolerance for praise.”

Levi looks at him, confused.

“Sometimes, hearing a lot of good things about ourselves is hard, if we’re not used to it. People do need to hear good things about themselves, for safety, but we’ll start really slow, okay?”

“Okay,” Levi nods. He bends down and helps Michael pick up the beanbags. “Did you like my dog?”

“Did I like your dog? I  _ loved _ your dog. Do you have a picture of it?” Michael asks.

“Just in my mind…” Levi answers sadly.

He doesn’t tell Michael that a picture isn’t the same as being with Hagrid for real. Feeling him sink onto Levi’s whole bed. Hearing his doggy breathing. Feeling so safe and everything by him.

“Well, maybe we can look up some English Mastiffs today, to show Laura what kind of dog you have. Wanna do that?” Michael asks.

Levi nods, smiling just a little.


	7. Uncle

It turns out, Tuesdays are good days because Levi gets to see his mom. (This time, for real, because the judge even said.) He can’t stop bouncing all around.

“I get to see Hagrid today!” he exclaims at breakfast. “And my mom!”

“Levi? We’re not 100% positive that Hagrid can come today, but we know your mom will do her best to be there,” Laura says.

He wishes that having a visit meant a shorter day of school, but it doesn’t. Being at recess is like torture just seeing his house on the other side of the playground and knowing Mama and Hagrid are inside. He tries to ignore it, but that just feels mean.

Finally, after a million years, it’s 4:30 and they go to the special office place to meet Mama. He sees her after a minute. Levi runs up and hugs her. “You got Hagrid with you?” he asks.

“No,” she shakes her head, sad. “Pets don’t get to come on visits. But I brought something for you,” she says before he can get too sad. She goes in her purse and Levi’s definitely thinking it’s candy. But she pulls out pictures, like, real live ones not on a computer.

“I got you that nice one of you and Hagrid when he was a puppy. One of all of us, me, you, Daddy and Hagrid.”

“Why didn’t you tell them Hagrid’s not just a pet?” Levi asks, hurt. “He’s my best friend after Daddy.”

“I know,” Mama says, like she’s sad, too. “But we gotta--”

“Follow the rules, I know. Like Michael said,” Levi fills in.

“You like your foster parents?” Mama asks. “They treat you alright?”

“Mama, they’re not foster parents. They’re safe parents,” Levi corrects, matter of fact. “My other foster parents before them were unsafe ones. I told them Hagrid’s a safe dog. And I’m pretty sure home was safe, too, except you just needed a little bit of help and that’s okay, right?” 

“That’s right,” Mama answers.

The visit goes by too fast. Levi gets distracted watching cartoons and then the time all zips by and he has to go. 

But he doesn’t want to, and he hangs on tight to Mama. The pictures fall through his fingers to the floor as he wraps himself around her.

The social worker peels him off and it reminds Levi of the game kids sometimes play on the playground, where you try to hurt each other on purpose, only stopping when one kid says “Uncle!”

But he didn’t say it.

And he still has to go with the social worker, not his mom.

Grownup rules don’t make sense and they’re the most unfair.

Mama yells after the social worker to make sure she takes Levi’s pictures along, too. He grabs them up off the floor, not letting the social worker even touch them.

He cries all the way back to Michael and Laura’s house.


	8. Happiest

For a long time, Levi feels like he is never going to be happy. Or, like, maybe this is the happiest he can ever get...which isn’t very. He gets to see Mom once a week, and Hagrid never. The pictures are with him all the time, but they’re so not the same as real live Hagrid.

He’s kind of getting used to it here, but not really. It’s hard to keep track of everything. How long it’s been. What’s happening when. How many days until he gets to visit Mom.

Michael’s reading Harry Potter to him one day after dinner when the phone rings. (They still have a landline. That’s weird.)

Laura gets it. She says “Okay” a lot and walks away from Levi and Michael.

Levi really wishes he could follow her, but Michael’s right here, and he’d see and then he’d probably have to come to, because of location changes and safety. And the fact that his super protecting power doesn’t work unless he knows exactly where Levi is.

It takes long minutes before Laura comes back and then she motions to Michael and they talk real quiet forever. Levi sighs and picks up Harry Potter to read himself. It’s nice having somebody read to him, but he can do it himself. His reading level is very high.

\--

“What’s going on?” Michael asks, the second they are out of Levi’s earshot.

“That was the social worker. They have a fifteen-year-old girl in need of a placement,” Laura passes along.

“But our age limit’s thirteen,” Michael points out.

“It is...but this is a special circumstance…” Laura hesitates. “The girl’s name is Pearl West. She’s Levi’s older half sister.”

“From the same house?” Michael asks, horrified.

Laura nods. “Apparently, she went to school today and a teacher noticed she had a black eye. Teachers are mandatory reporters. Just so happened that the same social worker assigned to Levi also responded in Pearl’s case and was aware Levi was with us. Pearl was very concerned about Levi. The social worker asked if we could make it work.”

“Levi’s mentioned Hagrid more than he’s mentioned a sister. To be honest, I didn’t even know he  _ had _ a sister. Do they get along? Do we even know?”

“Michael, if we don’t let her know soon, she’s going to start looking for another placement,” Laura points out.

Sighing, Michael nods. “Fine. You know I wouldn’t have wanted to be separated from my siblings. That’s gotta be hard.”

“Oooh! I just read a spoiler!” Levi calls from the table. “Just kidding, I actually already read this book.”

“Call her back,” Michael nods. “Tell her we’re good to go.”

“They’re ten minutes from here at the high school. They kept Pearl late. She stayed after school to talk to the social worker.”

“I’ll give Levi a heads up…” Michael says.

\--

Finally, Michael comes back to the table where Levi’s reading. He knew talking about spoilers would bring him back.

“Hey buddy? Your sister? Pearl?” Michael asks.

“Yeah?” Levi asks.

“She’s coming over in a little bit,” Michael tells him.

“Oh,” Levi says.

“You okay with that?” Michael wonders.

“Her mom’s not safe. Obviously. I didn’t wanna leave when she was still there, but they made me…” Levi sighs.

“You two get along?” Michael asks.

“Yeah, I guess. Except her mom loved her and not me. And that wasn’t fair. But we still love each other, I think. Me and Pearl. We have the same dad. If he were alive, we wouldn’t be in foster care, know why? ‘Cause he’s a safe adult like you. So is my mom.”

“I see,” Michael says. “Well, the social worker is gonna be here in a few minutes to drop Pearl off. So that’s what’s happening.”

“Okay,” Levi answers. He keeps reading his book.

\--

When Pearl walks up the front steps, backpack slung over her shoulder and nothing else, she wonders if this wasn’t all a big mistake.

A misunderstanding.

Yes, her eye is sore, but she didn’t need to go to the nurse for an ice pack (such an overreaction) and she definitely didn’t need to talk to a social worker, but that is what ended up happening. After the initial panic, and denial, Pearl settled into numb acceptance. She insisted she did not need to go home for anything. She had her backpack, that’s all she really needed for school.

She would miss her things, but none of it was worth crossing her mother after Pearl betrayed the one family rule: Family Stuff Stays in the Family. Her mother would kill her for telling. In the literal sense.

So, no, she didn’t need to return home for anything.

She just needed to get to her little brother.

It was good that he was somewhere safe. Pearl was glad no one figured out she made the call. She had bought a burner phone just for that reason, and called from the high school bathroom to report what she’d overheard while brushing her teeth last night, in the same room where her mom was hurting Levi.

It worked.

And no one ever found out it was Pearl who made the call, especially since she wiped down the phone with a hand-wipe and tossed it in the trash before exiting.

It felt good knowing Levi was safe...but it was only a matter of time before Pearl became the focus of all Mom’s freakouts again.

And Pearl didn’t have a big sister looking out for her.

She blinked as the door swung open. Pearl can barely hear anything but a rushing sound in her head. She can’t make out any faces, but when Levi barrels into her, wrapping his arms and legs around her, Pearl holds on.

The world comes back into focus.

“Pearl!” he says.

“Oh my God. You’re okay? Look at you, you’re so big now,” she exclaims.

“What happened?” he asks, pointing at her right eye.

“Nothing. Just clumsy. That’s all,” Pearl answers.

She has no idea why she’s lying. (Years of conditioning? Fear? Wanting to make up for the social workers and cops all knowing the truth? That Pearl failed to protect her mother?)

“Come inside,” Levi urges. “It’s safe here. You don’t have to worry about clumsy stuff,” he says.

And she could cry.

He looks so happy.

And she… She is so...so devastated.


	9. Bunting

Sitting on the couch, holding Levi’s hand, Pearl cannot stop thinking about baseball. Levi had been on a summer team. He was not the best player, which infuriated Mom. She wasn’t impressed that Levi could turn cartwheels better than anyone Pearl had ever seen. Or that he was the very first kid to comfort someone who was tagged out, no matter what team they played for.

Because Pearl had spent a summer observing Levi’s Little League games, she’s learned a thing or two:

For instance:

Bunting was a practice where the batter lets the bat make contact with the ball without swinging. The ball doesn’t travel far, and the bunter is usually called out, but a runner on first or second would be able to advance to the next base.

Pearl had done something so illegal in 8-and-under baseball: she had metaphorically bunted Levi home when he was on third base. He was allowed to cross homebase but for Pearl? The illegal hit was something she would have to pay for.

And she had.

Even though no one in school had figured out who called CPS on her mother, Mom had her suspicions. And she made sure Pearl’s life was a living hell.

There’s silence and that’s when Pearl realizes someone in this room has asked her a question.

“Yes? I’m sorry…” she apologizes. (Always better to get out in front of an error - apologize early - grovel if you must.)

“Did you want to see the house?” the woman asks. Pearl hasn’t managed to catch either foster parent’s name. This is like a very long dream. Foster care was a thing she’s read about. Not a thing she’s ever thought she’d experience for herself.

She always thought the way she lived was normal, even with the ongoing terror of anybody ever discovering their secret.

“No,” Pearl shakes her head. “I mean...I’m tired. Could I go to bed?” 

“It just got dark out,” Levi says, incredulous. “You can’t be tired yet…”

“Sure...I’ll show you to your room,” the woman offers.

“Boys and girls sleep in separate rooms because boundaries and privacy,” Levi rattles off.

Pearl gets the concept of course, but all this talk of boundaries and privacy feels a bit excessive, especially when she has the vivid memory of being present (though not looking) as her mother did whatever she did to hurt Levi in the bathroom.

Boundaries seem almost laughable.

Privacy? What’s that?

“Here we are,” the woman says. “I can get you some pajamas to sleep in. Do you have a toothbrush?”

Pearl shakes her head. She crawls into the unfamiliar bed fully clothed. She can hear Levi loitering in the open doorway.

“May I come in?” he whispers.

It’s the last thing Pearl hears before she falls asleep.

\--

“So, how’s she seem?” Michael asks later on that night after they’ve tucked Levi in.

“Exhausted. She didn’t even last until I came back with pajamas and a toothbrush. And did you see her poor eye?” Laura exclaims in a whisper.

Michael shakes his head. “I know. It’s the same woman? Who hurt Levi as who hurt Pearl?”

“Pearl’s biological mother, their father’s first wife,” Laura fills in, folding laundry. “Levi’s sure brightened, though,” she points out. “He’s like a different kid.”

“God, let’s hope the judge doesn’t rule in favor of Pearl’s bio mom seeing either one of them…” Michael breathes. “I’m not about to talk trash in front of them about this woman but...if I ever see her in the street, you’re gonna have to hold me back, baby.”

“I will,” Laura promises. She pauses. “They’re not our kids, hon’... We’re just a stop on their journey…”

“I know…” Michael winces. “But they’re great kids. And it frosts my cake that the same woman had the means to harm not one but both of them.”

“I know…” Laura agrees.

“What are we gonna do if she tries to get Pearl back?” Michael asks.

“Fight like hell,” Laura says, raising her chin. “Because she’s not hurting these kids again. Not if we have anything to say about it.”

“That’s my wife,” Michael beams, reclining on the bed.

\--

Pearl wakes up half a dozen times, sure this is all just a very long nightmare. Each time, though, reality slams into her with the realization that these sheets are flannel. They smell different. This bed is different. The room. The house. Pearl has actually done it.

She has ruined her mother’s life.

Not able to face any of this, she pulls the pillow over her head.

\--

Very early on the weekend, Levi wakes up and squints at the sun in his blue room. He’s taken turns sleeping in one bed, and then the other, but he likes the first bed best. Levi thinks about dinosaurs for a while. Then sharks. Then he’s off on a whole imagination safari thinking about every animal he knows and being able to pet them all. It takes him a few minutes to come back to real life...and remember...and when he does he’s out of bed faster than the speed of light.

Pearl’s here!

He stops outside the closed bedroom door, afraid to knock. So, instead, he just turns the knob. They’re real family and Pearl’s mom said family doesn’t have boundaries so…

This room is purple. Light purple walls. Darker purple covers on the two sets of bunk beds. Will they all have kids in them? 

Levi approaches the mound of purple blankets and pokes it.

Pearl pulls back the blankets and squints at Levi, then she opens her arms and invites him in. He cuddles against her, his Pokemon pajamas all warm against her real clothes. She holds one arm around him for safety and he falls back asleep in no time. 

This safe place finally really does feel safe.


	10. Stalked

No matter what she does, Pearl cannot shake the fear that her mother can see her every move. That she is being watched. That her mother is livid.

It’s taken a while. The very next morning, she wakes to find not Mom, but Levi in bed with her. He’s sleeping soundly. Her arms wrapped around him.

When the woman finds them together, she doesn’t comment right away, but Pearl is an expert at reading body language - can tell that something about what they’re doing doesn’t sit right with her. 

And again, given what she and Levi have lived through? The idea that them sharing a bed in the most non-gross way possible would be cause for alarm is just maddening.

Or, it would be. Except, Pearl is too tired to be angry.

Levi’s awake a second after Pearl is, and takes her hand.

“Do you want breakfast? There’s the best breakfasts here,” he asks.

“I’m not very hungry,” Pearl admits.

But somehow, she makes room for a cinnamon roll slathered in icing. Pours herself coffee black from the pot. Neither adult there comments.

“Do you have any questions for us?” the man asks.

Pearl knows it would be beyond rude to admit that she wasn’t listening enough to even learn their names yesterday.

“No,” she says.

“Pearl drinks coffee,” Levi says proudly. “Because some adults drink coffee and some teenagers drink coffee and Pearl’s a teenager. I wish I was a teenager… I really like Starbucks.”

Pearl loves her little brother, but my goodness, can he talk in the morning - and without coffee.

“Hey, since Pearl’s here, does she get to go on a shopping trip?” Levi asks excitedly. “Then, maybe I could have some Starbucks. ‘Cause you guys said, last time, remember, Michael?”

Michael. Good to know. (Pearl makes a mental note.  _ Michael = Foster Dad who resembles a Black Clark Kent. _ )

“We are going shopping,” the woman says. “But not for Starbucks, I’m sorry, Levi. Pearl, you’re going to need some clothes and things.”

“I’m not staying,” Pearl denies. She’s as sure of this as anything. Sooner or later, Mom will have convinced everyone this was all a big misunderstanding and Pearl will be back with her before she can even blink.

Levi glances up in alarm. “What? You’re not staying with me?”

“Pearl?” the woman asks. “What were you told? When the social worker picked you up from school? About what was happening?”

In a panic, Pearl scans her brain, desperate for any leftover words the social worker might have spoken. But her mind is like a blank. She shakes her head, feeling helpless.

“Well, what Michael and I were told is that you’re going to be staying here for a while. Until the judge decides.”

“What judge?” Pearl bristles, picturing an old, fat, balding white man.

“I believe her name is Judge Carmichael. She’s new around here, but very good,” Michael states after checking his phone.

Great. So Pearl has some judge who’s brand new. This really doesn’t bode well for her. (Besides, she doesn’t know what would be worse. If Judge Carmichael ruled in her mom’s favor? Or against her?)

Her choices right now look like probable death, or homelessness. Pearl feels her despair deepening.

\--

In the car, Pearl closes her eyes. She’s fairly sure that Levi hasn’t stopped talking since he opened his eyes. And Pearl just gets more tired as the minutes tick by. The only thing that keeps her alert is the thought that her mother is out there watching.

“Michael? Can you ask Laura if she can please change her mind about Starbucks?” Levi whines.

(Absently, Pearl creates a mental note again:  _ White Foster Mom With Quirky Fashion Sense - Seriously What Is With All The Scarves? - Laura _ .)

“Sorry. In this family, safe adults are a team. And we want everybody on the same team so we can all work together.”

Pearl’s scanning out the window as Levi crosses his arms and leans back against the seat. It doesn’t take him long to pick up on her scanning.

“I thought she’d be at Target, too,” Levi whispers. “But she wasn’t.”

“Never mind,” Pearl grumbles. When what she wants to say is thank you.


	11. Immortality

When they arrive at Target, Michael volunteers to take Levi to look at toys, and Pearl encourages him to go. 

“I’ll still be here,” she promises. “I just...you know...might need to get some girl stuff,” she makes a face to indicate just how much he’ll hate sticking around.

“But you said before you weren’t staying,” Levi points out, worried.

“Well, that was my mistake. I have to do what the judge says,” Pearl explains. “And right now, that’s staying here.”

“So, if the judge didn’t say to make you stay with me, you wouldn’t?” Levi asks, hurt.

“Levi… No. I just mean…” Pearl drops her voice. “My mom is not gonna like that I’m here. So I have to go home as soon as possible. To make sure things calm down.”

“And where will I be?” Levi asks, quiet.

“Safe. Here,” Pearl points out.

“Well, why can’t you be safe with me here?” Levi asks.

“Just...because, okay? Please go with Michael,” Pearl begs.

Levi looks like he’s about to plaster himself to Pearl’s side, so she digs in her purse. Pulls out a $20. Hands it to him.

She motions him close and whispers in his ear. “You can buy a toy that’s less than twenty dollars with this...or...you can buy a small Starbucks drink  _ and _ a small toy…” she bribes.

Levi’s eyes light up. “Okay! Thanks, Pearl!”

She watches as he just takes Michael’s hand and starts walking away with him. Pearl feels like a horrible sister, because she feels nothing but relief to have him out of her hair, and she only just found him again.

\--

Pearl feels annoyed, with Laura trailing her and offering advice and help she doesn’t want, about clothing.

“You’re going to need more than one pair of jeans and one top,” Laura says gently.

“I’m fine,” Pearl manages, trying to keep her cool.

The truth is, even though she has money of her own? She’s learning quickly that things cost a lot of it. She regrets parting with that $20 in a big way. She could have used it to put toward necessities. She still needs toiletries. Shampoo. Conditioner. Pajamas. 

Pearl blinks back tears. There’s no way she’s going to have enough. She’s going to go to school looking homeless. She’s never going to live it down. It will follow her forever. And, God, if Mom could see her penny-pinching? Pearl knows she’d never hear the end of it…

“You know, Michael and I are paying for the things you need,” Laura points out, in that same soft voice.

Pearl can’t help but feel cornered. What’s expected here? Should she say thank you? Should she insist against it? Her guess is as good as Levi’s. She has no idea what to do here.

“You don’t have to…” Pearl pats her purse. “I have my own money.”

“Actually, part of being a foster parent does mean buying kids who come to live with us the things they need,” Laura points out.

Pearl shrugs, admitting defeat, and knowing that with it, she’s forfeiting every bit of her own free choice. If Mom paid, Mom chose. If Pearl chose wrong, Mom chose.

So Pearl walks mutely beside Laura.

She’s back by the jeans, getting a couple more pairs - the same brand Pearl had chosen. Right size, even. “You like classic navy? Black?” Laura asks.

“Whatever you think,” Pearl says.

“Well, they’re going on your body, so it’s whatever you think,” Laura encourages.

“It doesn’t matter,” Pearl insists.

In the end, Laura chooses duplicates of the pair Pearl chose for herself. And several more shirts in a similar style that Pearl chose.

They shop in silence, with Pearl only grimly selecting socks and underclothes when Laura’s back is turned.

\--

Levi feels secretly powerful with all twenty of Pearl’s dollars. He’s trying to figure out how to get to Starbucks without Michael knowing when he surprises Levi:

“Pretty nice of Pearl to give you money,” he says, very casually, like it’s totally normal that he has super-hearing.

“Yeah…” Levi says, not sure what to say.

“Thing is… Do you remember what we said before leaving? About Starbucks?” Michael asks and Levi’s insides sink.

“You said no…” Levi pouts. “Because safe adults are a team in your family. But Pearl is my family and we’re a team, too.”

“That makes a lot of sense. And Pearl hasn’t been here long, so she’s still learning the ropes.”

“Like a ropes course?” Levi asks, confused.

“More like...the way things work with safe adults…” Michael offers.

“Oh,” Levi nods.

“So… What do you say we figure out what the most right thing to do in this situation is?” Michael asks.

“That’s rhetorical, right?” Levi asks.

“Right, it is,” Michael says. “But I’d like you to try to always think about what the next right thing to do is.”

“What if I don’t know? What if I really, really want hot chocolate? Like really bad?” Levi asks.

“Well...then, I’d say, that’s why I’m here. To help you figure it out together. And I hear you saying hot chocolate is very important to you. So, what do you say, we make it at home?”

“Can we make it my Dad’s special way?” Levi asks.

“Do you know his special way?” Michael wonders.

“With…” Levi leans in to whisper the secret ingredients.

Michael smiles. “We can definitely do that. What do you think the next right thing might be to do with Pearl’s money?”

“...Buy her some Legos?” Levi asks.

“Does Pearl like Legos, or do you like Legos?” Michael asks.

“Maybe we both might like Legos…” Levi offers. Pearl might if she tried them.

“Ah. Well, listen...imagine if you were Pearl and you gave someone your money by mistake - without learning which things safe adults buy for kids and which ones kids buy themselves. Would you want that person to spend your money anyway? Or would you maybe want them to give it back to you?”

“Give it back to me,” Levi says. His Dad always said he was such a quick learner, and he really is.

“Right. So what do you think is the right thing to do with Pearl’s money? Buy some Legos? Or give it back to her?” Michael quizzes.

“It’s so much harder to say the right thing when it’s somebody else’s money,” Levi admits, squeezing his eyes shut. “But...give it back…” he admits, shoulders slumping.

“Good decision. I’m so proud of you. Now what do you say we go get those ingredients for hot chocolate your Dad’s special way?”

“I say yes!” Levi cheers.

\--

Pearl’s exhausted by the time they check out. And she can’t stop herself from looking at the total Laura’s ringing up - all stuff for Pearl. It’s huge. Astronomical. But Laura insists it’s okay.

While they wait for Levi and Michael, Laura sits on a bench beside Pearl. “There are some things, like basic needs, that adults buy for kids.”

Pearl keeps scanning the store, for her mom, or Levi.

“So, clothing, groceries--” Laura lists.

“I know.” Pearl interjects.

“Okay. So, in this house, Michael and I will take care of basic needs. If you need lunch money, for example. Money for a school field trip. Supplies for a project.”

“Okay,” Pearl answers.

“Also...did you hear me and Michael talking to Levi about no Starbucks this morning?” Laura asks, matter-of-fact.

Pearl doesn’t breathe. 

“You’re not in trouble, Pearl. I just want to know if you remember.”

Pearl barely nods.

“So, right now. I’m having a calm discussion with you about something I noticed. That’s all,” Laura says, as if Pearl might not get it. “So...you did hear Michael and I tell Levi no Starbucks today...but you gave him money and told him to get it anyway.”

“That was private,” Pearl points out, annoyed. “That’s why I was whispering.”

“I understand. The thing is, Pearl, Michael and I are the parents in this family. That means we keep you and Levi safe. I know, in the past, maybe that was your job,” Laura phrases this almost like a question.

“It  _ is _ my job,” Pearl turns to Laura, serious; intense.

“I hear that you feel very protective of Levi. I need you to understand, though, that undermining safe adults isn’t safe for Levi. And it isn’t safe for you, either. I understand that trusting brand new people with your safety can sound daunting. It probably goes against every instinct you have. But I am giving you information about how things work in this house: When you hear Michael or I tell you or Levi “no”? It is for a reason. So, ask us why. Talk to us about it if you need to, but I need you not to undermine Michael or me again.”

“I’m sorry. I won’t,” Pearl mutters, her cheeks flaming.

Finally, she sees Levi and Michael coming.

She can’t wait to leave.


	12. College

Monday comes and Pearl wonders exactly where the rest of the weekend went. She has vague memories of coming home from Target, of Michael and Levi making hot chocolate together. Of doing homework on Sunday. 

Sunday night meant a totally embarrassing conversation between her and Levi and Michael and Laura where they discussed the importance of everybody having their own space to sleep, and gently discouraging Levi from climbing into bed with Pearl. She remembers it too vividly:

“I don’t mind,” Pearl offers.

Laura looks at her.

“I’m not trying to undermine. I’m just explaining. Privacy is obviously a big deal here, but it’s not for us.”

“And that means it’s even more important that we all make sure you both have it,” Michael says. “So...where are you gonna sleep tonight, Levi?” he asks.

“My room, I guess,” Levi admits.

“Very good.” Michael tells him.

But later, when Laura’s asking Pearl if she needs anything as she gets ready for school in the morning. When she’s packed her bag and picked her clothes, Pearl’s out of things to do. Still, she pretends to check through her backpack one more time as she asks: “Is it still okay to ask questions?”

“Absolutely,” Laura says. She’s sitting on the floor in Pearl’s room. Pearl’s on the desk chair.

“So...what if Levi comes in here anyway? I’m not saying I want him to get in trouble or anything, just...what do I do? Send him away?”

“Well, he wouldn’t get in trouble,” Laura reassures. “We’d just have a calm discussion. And if he comes to you, you can knock on our door. We’ll take care of him.”

“But how?” Pearl worries.

“We’ll just remind him of privacy and tuck him back into his own bed,” Laura explains.

Thankfully, Levi had stayed where he was supposed to, and Pearl hadn’t needed to worry about it.

\--

Now, though, Pearl has to contend with going back to high school when it’s entirely possible that someone saw her Friday talking to social workers, or the police.

She holds her breath the entire way to school. At school, too. But it’s weirdly normal. 

In Bio, they get a permission slip. 

“Be sure your parents sign this, and bring it back by Friday. We’ll start the unit on dissection next week.”

On the way out, Mrs. Hopewell says, “Pearl, how’s your mom?” 

Pearl’s halfway out the door when she freezes. “Fine,” she manages. “Why?”

“Well, we usually run into each other at the store and I hadn’t seen her last night.”

“I think she’s fine,” Pearl says. “As far as I know.”

“Oh good. Be sure to give her that permission slip to sign.”

“Yes. I will,” Pearl manages.

\--

When school’s done for the day, she doesn’t take the bus home as usual. Instead she waits for Laura. Gets into her car in a huff.

“You’re late,” Pearl points out. “If I took the bus, I’d be home already.”

“I’m sorry I’m late. How was school? Are you okay?”

“When do I get to know if I can go home?” Pearl asks, impatient. She realized today in the bathroom at school that her eye still looks hideous. She should really do something about the bruise. If she goes home, Mom’s not going to want to see it.

“Not for a while,” Laura says.

“Do you know  _ anything _ ?” Pearl scoffs. “God.” (It’s a perfect imitation of her mother.)

“I need you to watch your tone of voice,” Laura warns evenly. “We don’t speak to each other like that here.”

“Like what?” Pearl asks, honestly confused.

“Like we disgust one another. That’s harmful. We don’t intentionally harm each other.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” Pearl mutters blinking back tears.

They drive in silence for a while. They park in the driveway, but Laura doesn’t seem in a hurry to get out and away from Pearl. “Are you okay?”

“We’re dissecting pigs and sharks… Fetal ones…” Pearl blubbers, crying quietly. (Seriously, what is wrong with her?) “My science teacher gave me a slip to have my mother sign. To say if I can participate or not. But you’re going to say I can’t because it’s not safe. Because harming helpless animals in the name of learning their anatomy is…I don’t know...brutal, or something...” Pearl trails off. “...But I’m the best student in Biology. Not just my class. The entire subject. And I love science. This means the world to me...but you and Michael will think it’s gross. And then my grade will fall and then…I’ll  _ fail _ ! I won’t get into college...” Pearl’s sobbing.

“Hey,” Laura says, and hands Pearl some tissues. “Honey, we love science around here. We’re a bunch of science-loving nerds. And Michael or I (or Michael  _ and _ I, if it would make you feel better) would love to sign your permission slip as your guardians. Especially knowing how much it means to you.”

It takes Pearl’s brain a moment to catch up with what Laura’s said. She sniffs and then asks. “Really?”

“Really. It sounds like you had a really tough day worrying about that. So Michael and I will make sure to sign it first thing so you can get it back in your bag.”

“Thank you,” Pearl manages. “And I’m sorry I was rude…”

“Thank you for apologizing. That means a lot to me,” Laura says. “Do you have anything else you need to talk about?”

“I’m gonna go inside now…” Pearl decides. 

“Okay,” Laura nods, moving to get out of the car, too.

“Oh. Do you have any Arnicare? You know, for this?” Pearl gestures to her eye.

“I’m sure we do. I’m not sure it’s safe so close to your eye, but we can get you more ice which should help with the swelling.” Laura reassures.

“Okay. Thank you,” Pearl breathes, feeling strangely vulnerable now.

But Laura doesn’t make it a thing.

She signs the permission slip right away with Michael, and they get her ice. Then Michael gets into a long discussion about his memories of dissecting animals in high school Biology.

It’s fascinating.

But she really has to do her homework if she wants to keep her GPA up. So she goes to her room and loses herself in studying History and Bio, English and Algebra II.

Unlike at home with Mom, Michael and Laura insist she take breaks and come to eat - not to cook the dinner - just to sit and eat it.

“Hey, aren’t you so glad I gave you your $20 back,” Levi gushes. “Because that was your money, fair and square.”

“Levi, I already said thank you,” Pearl points out.

His face falls.

“But yes...that meant a lot to me…” Pearl tries. It feels awkward. Insincere. Because she’d given him the money to spend. She’d wanted him to use it. Wanted him to know she loved him and cared about him. And he just gave it back like it didn’t matter.

She’s trying to make things work here. But everything’s so different.

Pearl’s afraid she’ll never learn all she needs to learn before she has to go back.

\--

That night, after they watch Wheel of Fortune together, and Levi’s in the shower (by himself, praise the Lord...) Pearl tentatively brings up the money again.

“I’m not really glad he gave it back,” Pearl blurts. “That $20.”

“I see,” Michael says.

“I gave it to him because I wanted him to have it. I take care of him. Not vice versa,” Pearl says, stiff.

Calmly, Michael looks at her. Evenly, he says: “Laura and I? We take care of both of you. Not vice versa. I can see you’re hurt by it and I’m sorry.” He waits a while. “It can be confusing coming into a family where boundaries are all different. Where kids are free to be kids and parents take care of them.”

“I don’t think I know how to be a kid…” Pearl admits, before she realizes what she’s about to say. Luckily, Michael doesn’t laugh.

“Well, the first thing you do is… You have so much fun dissecting the pigs and sharks,” he encourages. “Let me know what your favorite part is.”

“Like, anatomically?” Pearl wonders.

“More...enjoyment-wise. Try to remember what you enjoy most about it. And know that it’s important to Laura and I that you enjoy things. You are still a kid. And we are gonna fight for your childhood, and your right to it,” he tells her.

“I’ll try to remember...enjoyment-wise…” she admits, and then, Pearl gets up and heads back to her homework.


	13. Sauna

It’s the longest week of Pearl’s life. Finally, it’s Friday, when Mrs. Hopewell is collecting all the rest of the permission slips in Biology. (Pearl had been among the first to hand hers in.) She’s relieved, at least, that she gets to maintain her A+ in this class.

But when Pearl gets home, the world beneath her feet shifts again.

\--

“Damn,” Michael says, hanging up with Pearl and Levi’s social worker. 

“What is it?” Laura wonders.

“The judge ruled against visitation for Pearl’s bio mom…” Michael passes along.

“I mean, we’ve seen Pearl’s face…” Laura points out. “Clearly, we know what she’s capable of. Not to mention what was in the report about Levi when he got here...but Pearl’s going to be so devastated…” 

“Yeah,” Michael confirms. “It’s gonna be a bumpy ride. We’ll tell her together?” 

“Of course,” Laura reassures. “When she gets home from school. I don’t want Pearl and Levi to keep associating bad things with dinner time.”

“Levi’s still eating with his knees under his chin every meal…” Michael points out, sad.

“He’ll sit with his feet on the floor when he’s comfortable…” Laura offers.

\--

Pearl can tell the moment she walks in the house that something is up. Laura was acting strangely in the car. There’s about an hour’s time before Levi gets home from the elementary school. 

Pearl used to love it. Being alone in the house. Free to breathe. Eat what she wanted. Watch what she liked on TV. Not needing to be on guard all the time, because Mom got home at 5 PM.

It was glorious.

Now, it’s stifling. Michael and Laura are always home. They never leave.

“Pearl? Why don’t you come sit down,” Michael invites.

“Okay…” she asks, smiling to hide her discomfort. (She’s only just gotten home, what could she have done wrong?) “What?”

“Well, your social worker called,” Michael says. “The judge ruled against visitation with your mom. We’re so sorry.”

Pearl wracks her brain. What’s the expected response here? Not the massive sigh of relief she actually wants to express. She can’t go too big, or Michael and Laura might get stressed.

“It’s okay,” Pearl finally tells them. She waits a beat. “Monday, we get to start dissecting…” she offers.

“That’s cool,” Michael smiles. “What do you hope you start with?”

“Well, I’m excited for both, but I know we’re starting with the sharks,” Pearl nods.

“I’m happy for you,” Laura offers.

Pearl nods, stiffly.

Over dinner, Levi can’t stop talking about his recent visit to see his mom. “She brought more pictures of Hagrid!”

“Wait...so Levi gets to see his mom, but I don’t?” Pearl asks.

“Well, my mom didn’t punch me in the face,” Levi offers, quiet, stabbing a carrot.

“Oh my God! She didn’t punch me in the face, okay?! This was an accident!” Pearl exclaims gesturing to her eye. She’s on her feet, anger heating her from the inside. Levi’s leaning away from her, his eyes wide.

“Okay… Sit down, please,” Laura urges. “Let’s take some breaths.”

“Tell him to mind his own business!” Pearl exclaims.

“Pearl. We don’t raise our voices here,” Michael reminds. “Apologize to Levi, please.”

“I’m sorry,” she manages, her voice thick.

“And Levi… Pearl’s right. What happened to her is her business. She can bring it up whenever and if ever she needs to talk about it, but it’s not our place to comment, except to give care.”

“Are you sorry for scaring me?” Levi asks, in a whisper.

Pearl nods.

“Okay. ...How do I comment and give care?” Levi wonders.

“You could ask if her eye is feeling better,” Michael encourages.

“But nobody asks me if I’m feeling better...from what she did to me…” Levi says, matter of fact.

Pearl can’t move. Can’t breathe. Back home, they never discussed what she’d done to Levi. By the next day, he was gone. Then, Mom just acted like nothing had happened.

“I’m sorry, Levi. Are you feeling better?” Laura asks.

He shrugs.

“How is this all about Levi now?” Pearl asks, hurt. “He gets to see his mom and I don’t. That’s what we were talking about. And you said I could ask why. So, why?” 

“Because there’s proof your mom isn’t a safe person. That means the judge saw there was every chance that if you had to see her, she might keep being unsafe.” Michael explains.

“So?” Pearl asks.

“So, kids need to be safe,” Michael says, like it’s just that simple.

“So, Levi’s mom is safer than mine? She gave him to my mom. How safe is that?” Pearl snaps.

Across the table, Levi’s face crumbles.

“Alright,” Michael says. “Let’s take a break. Levi? You wanna come with me?”

Levi nods, still crying and leaves the table with Michael.

Pearl glances down at her food. “I was just telling the truth,” she mutters, still feeling defensive.

Laura doesn’t respond for long minutes, until Pearl makes eye contact with her. 

“When Levi spoke about your business, what did Michael and I tell him?” Laura asks.

“Not to, unless it was kindly, or something?” Pearl mumbles.

“Right. So, you’re right. What you said was true. But was it kind?” Laura asks.

Pearl shakes her head, feeling terrible. “I just… The judge wasn’t fair! It’s not logical to say one parent’s safe and one’s not when they both aren’t!” 

“And the judge isn’t here to be mad at…” Laura fills in.

“Yeah,” Pearl confirms.

“So, you said something unkind to Levi,” Laura reviews, no judgment.

“I get it. I suck as a person. Can we move on?” Pearl asks.

“I realize this is uncomfortable for you, but it is important. Because I hear that moving on would really help you to feel better. But how do you think Levi feels?” Laura asks.

“I have no idea…” Pearl denies, looking away. “Sad, I guess…”

“That’s a good guess. And he apologized to you when he talked about your business. Do you think you could apologize to him for hurting him?” Laura asks.

“I guess…” Pearl admits.

\--

“My mom knew?” Levi cries. “She knew? And she gave me to Pearl’s mom?”

“What do you think she knew, Levi?” Michael asks.

“That she was gonna hurt me… Pearl’s mom…” Levi manages.

“No… Listen… I don’t think that’s what Pearl meant, Levi. I really don’t.” Michael reassures.

“But she said…” Levi objects.

“Sometimes, safe adults… They can make mistakes. Even big mistakes,” Michael explains. “I’d like to think your mom  _ didn’t _ know Pearl’s mom was gonna hurt you. Your mom...she probably thought Pearl’s mom was a safe adult, and that’s why she sent you there.”

“She was wrong,” Levi comments, brokenly.

“Yes,” Michael nods, sadly.

“Levi?” Pearl asks, stepping into the living room. “I’m sorry for not being kind...about your business… I didn’t mean your mom sent you away to be hurt. I was just mad at the judge.”

“Because she won’t let you see your mom?” Levi asks, tearful.

“Because I don’t like it when people are hypocrites. When they say one thing and do another,” Pearl explains. 

Laura nods at Pearl, encouraging. “Anyway, I shouldn’t have hurt your feelings because it’s not your fault. I’m happy you get to see your mom.”

“Michael said sometimes safe adults make mistakes. That maybe my mom did that. And didn’t send me to your mom so I’d be hurt on purpose. But do you think she did? Sent me to be hurt on purpose?” Levi insists, sniffling.

Pearl’s mouth drops open. “No. Levi. No, I never meant that. I’m sorry I said that. And I’m sorry my mom hurt you.”

“You don’t have to apologize for other people,” Laura says gently. 

Pearl ignores this. She’s been apologizing for her mom her whole life.

“What do you think about what Pearl said?” Michael asks Levi.

“Good, I think?” Levi says.

“So, now Pearl’s gonna do her very best not to talk about your business in an unkind way,” Laura tells Levi.

“And I will, too,” Levi promises. “I’ll just ask if your eye’s okay. Or I could get you some ice or something,” he offers.

“It’s okay for now. Thanks,” Pearl says. “How are...well...how’s your hurt from her?”

Levi shrugs. 

“Don’t wanna talk about it right now?” Michael asks.

Levi shakes his head.

“Okay, so that’s Levi’s boundary. So, Levi, you could tell Pearl, ‘Not right now,’ or ‘Check in later, please,’ Michael suggests.

“Check in later, please,” Levi says.

“Okay,” Pearl nods, feeling strange having these kinds of talks.

“It is one-hundred percent okay to have big feelings. You can be mad, and yell, you can be sad, and cry. Laura and I are here to help both of you deal with your big feelings in safe ways. We care about you both.” Michael says.

“Me, too,” Levi says.

And Pearl knows it would be one of those Hallmark movie moments if she joined in and said, “Me, too,” but she can’t bring herself to.

She’s only been here a week.

It’s too soon.


	14. Carnivore

The weeks turn to months and it’s still beyond difficult to adjust to life here. Pearl can’t let her guard down, not with everything so up in the air. She knows her mom is still trying to get visitation, but she’s so volatile and Pearl’s not there to smooth things over so Pearl might not ever have to see her.

But the possibility of that happening just seems like a dream.

She did get to dissect the fetal pigs and sharks. Her group even got to dissect a pregnant shark. She really wanted to take pictures, but Mrs. Hopewell has rules about no phones when they’re doing lab work.

So, she tried to memorize every detail to tell Michael and Laura when she got home. It was strange, how much they wanted to hear from her. How Michael had been serious about Pearl figuring out which part of dissection she enjoyed the most.

It was so different from being home with her mom.

But Pearl knows by now: good things rarely last. 

Even this relative harmony she, Levi, Laura and Michael have found inside these four walls. 

It’ll all come to a screeching halt sooner or later.

\--

Dominique packs her trash bag. She’s used to this.

Going to school one day, coming home and just like that, she’s moving again. Ever since just after Dom was eleven, things have never been steady. Now, she’s twelve and they’re worse than she could’ve imagined.

She’d done everything she could. Everything she’d been told. And she’d gotten away - barely - with her life. Only to live in a damn hospital for three months and eventually find out that her mom died while she was…

The hospitalization had been hell, but at least she had known what to expect there. The foster homes? Every one is different. Dom can’t keep up learning all the new ones. Half the time she doesn’t even know what she’s done to piss the parents off.

So, she’s moving again. House number five. Whatever.

\--

Pearl and Levi are helping Michael and Laura decorate their Christmas tree when the phone rings.

Michael gets it.

“My mom used to have all the ornaments I made in school…” Pearl remembers fondly.

Levi punches her in the arm.

“Hey!” Pearl exclaims.

“Levi,” Laura says, coming down to eye level. Levi runs to hide behind the tree, so Laura has to angle herself weirdly to even have an eyeline to him. “We do not punch in this house.”

“I don’t care!” Levi yells.

“You may stomp your foot or punch a pillow. You may say what you need. You may not punch people,” Laura explains.

“STOP TALKING ABOUT HER!” Levi roars at Pearl.

Pearl blinks. “I didn’t...say anything… Did I? Did I cross a boundary?” she asks, hurt. “She’s my mom. Everybody else gets to talk about theirs… I just thought…”

“Stop!” Levi cries. “I’m saying what I need!”

“Okay. Let’s take a break,” Michael says. “And calm down.”

\--

“I just was remembering my own holiday traditions…” Pearl mutters, wiping her eyes. “I wasn’t being mean on purpose.”

“I know you weren’t. And you do have every right to talk about them. Holidays can be really stressful for all kinds of reasons. So we just need to be extra mindful of each other. But you can always share your memories of your mom with me and Michael. Did you have a favorite ornament?”

“One with my birth year on it...and also one of the first that must’ve been made as a school project. Just my picture on a piece of green felt in a frame. I was a toddler.” Pearl shares.

“Aw…” Laura says. “Just imagining it sounds adorable.”

“I know she hurt Levi...but she’s still my mom...and I love her. I may always love her… Does that make me terrible?”

“I’d say that makes you human,” Laura says. “I wanted to give you this,” she says and presents Pearl with a small box.

Pearl looks at her, expectant. 

“You can open it.” Laura encourages.

Slowly, Pearl does, and a smile creeps over her face as she sees the brand new ornament. “You got me a double helix…” she says fondly. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. We know how important having your own ornaments is,” Laura says.

\--

Michael’s been down in the beanbag room with Levi for several minutes while he screams and pelts beanbags at the walls. He’s gotten better at taking breaks to accept comfort. 

And eventually, Michael and Levi are sitting together in a big beanbag. “So...you got all the mad out?” 

“Yeah,” Levi pants, leaning against Michael.

“That was some hard work,” Michael observes. “You had a lot of mad in you. We gotta have a calm discussion about this punching.”

“I know, I was wrong…” Levi says sadly. “I just got so mad, hearing Pearl talk about a nice thing...about her… When she didn’t do any nice things to me.”

“That sounds unfair. And frustrating,” Michael says.

“Yeah,” Levi nods.

“I need you to apologize to Pearl. For punching her. Because that is absolutely not allowed. It cannot happen again. In order for everyone to be safe, understand?”

“I broke the safety for everybody?” Levi asks, scared.

“Safety takes everybody in a house working together on safety all the time. So I need your word that you will not punch anybody again.”

“I promise. I won’t. I want it to be safe here. And I want to stay. I don’t wanna go back to her house…” Levi says seriously.

“We’re gonna do everything we can to make sure that doesn’t happen,” Michael says. “Ready to do some apologizing?”

“Yes, sir,” Levi says.

\--

“I’m sorry for punching you in the bicep,” Levi says as soon as they get back upstairs. He’s staring at Pearl. “I promise I’ll never punch you again.”

“Thank you,” Pearl answers, hugging him. “I’m sorry that talking about her upsets you. I won’t mention her around you.”

Levi nods. “Hey… Where did you get that?” 

He sees the super cool ornament Pearl has. Just like that, Laura gives him a box.

“Open it,” she encourages. 

He does, and inside, Levi finds a little gymnast halfway through a cartwheel. He’s brown like Levi. And even in a shirt that says Levi and shorts.

“Thank you!” Levi exclaims. “I love it! Can I put it on the tree?”

“Sure, you’re both welcome to hang them up, or keep them with you,” Laura encourages.

“I’d like to hang mine up,” Pearl says.

“Okay, are you two good if we step into the kitchen to talk privately?” Michael asks.

“Is anybody moving out?” Levi asks.

“Nobody is moving out,” Michael confirms.

“Okay, then I’m good,” Levi nods.

“Me, too,” Pearl agrees.

Levi watches as Michael and Laura go to the kitchen. He can still see them, and they can still see him and Pearl, because safety.

\--

“That was the social worker. She’s got a twelve year old girl in need of an emergency placement. We’d be her fifth in a few months. She’s been through hell, Laura.”

“Five…” Laura asks. “Well, what’s been the issue in these other homes?”

“I don’t have that information. I don’t have any information. But it’s us or a group home.” Michael shares.

“Yeah, call her back,” Laura says. “I’ll talk to the kids. What’s her name?”

“Dominique,” Michael says.

\--

“So,” Laura says once she returns to the living room and admires the placement of Levi’s and Pearl’s ornaments. “There’s another girl who needs a safe home. She’s gonna be here pretty soon.”

“How old?” Pearl asks.

“She’s twelve. Her name is Dominique. So, Michael and I are going to show her around and things might be busy and different around here.”

“Are we still going to have Christmas?” Levi worries.

“Yes, we will definitely still have Christmas. I need you two to know that Michael and I have enough care for all of you. And I need you both to remember the safety guidelines. Be caring with your questions. Remember how it felt to come here for the first time. Know that Dominique might have a lot of feelings. And whichever ones she has are okay.”

“What if she doesn’t know the safety things?” Levi worries.

“Well, we’ll teach her,” Laura reassures her. “She’ll be here later today. So, Pearl, you’re going to have a roommate.”

“Okay,” Pearl says.

\--

It’s dark by the time Dominique arrives at the next house.

A man opens the door. A woman’s with him. This house smells good Like butterscotch cookies. But Dominique makes sure not to show anything on her face.

She sees an older girl and a little boy waiting inside.

“Hi, Dominique. We’re the Smiths,” the lady introduces.

“And  _ we’re _ the Wests,” the little boy says. “We’re just here for safety, like you. I’m Levi.”

“I’m Pearl,” Pearl puts her hand out to shake.

Dominique offers her own scarred hand, daring Pearl to comment.

She doesn’t, but Dominique can feel an energy pass between them when Pearl shakes her hand. How Pearl kind of tenses.

But Dominique just finds a smile somehow. Feels it slide into place as she looks at them all in turn: 

“Nice to meet you,” she says.


	15. Clutch

Dominique watches carefully as the woman takes her on a tour of the house. Makes note of where the bathroom is. (It’s the first thing they show her.)

“We have privacy in this house. That’s like, a boundary of doors being closed when we go pee and take showers,” the little boy, Levi, offers.

A laugh escapes before Dominique can stop it. She tenses. (Hopefully, the worst they’ll think is she’s immature and laughed because Levi said “pee.” Not the real reason.) Dominique knows privacy’s a privilege.

“It’s for safety, for everybody, so you have to close the door when you’re in the bathroom,” Levi adds seriously.

Dominique checks with the woman - a quick glance - and she - Mrs. Smith - nods. “Levi’s right. This is a safe home, and Michael and I are safe adults, so it’s very important everybody follows the safety guidelines.”

“I’ll close the door when I’m in the bathroom,” Dominique says.

“Thank you,” Mrs. Smith says.

Next, she gets shown the room where she’ll sleep. It has two sets of bunk beds. One lower is claimed. Pearl’s probably. Why wouldn’t she want a top? Dominique definitely wants a top.

“Levi has his own room to sleep, and you and Pearl have your own room here. Boys don’t come in girls’ rooms to sleep, and girls don’t come in boys’ rooms to sleep,” Mrs. Smith explains.

“Well, what about him?” Dominique asks, jerking a thumb at the man.

“My name is Michael,” he says.

_ I don’t care what your name is, I wanna know where you sleep. _ Dominique keeps her expression interested.

“What’s your question?” Mrs. Smith wonders.

“Where does he sleep?” she asks. “With him?” Dominique wonders, jerking a thumb at Levi. 

“That’s a great question. And no. Michael and I share a room,” Mrs. Smith says.

“So...boys  _ and  _ girls come into your room?” Dominique wonders, guarded.

“You’re asking such great questions,” Mrs. Smith sits down on the floor of the bedroom, and behind them the dude and Pearl and Levi step out.

“The room where I sleep with Michael is private. Just safe adults. Since Michael and I are the only two safe adults in the home, it’s our own space. Any kids staying with us may knock on our door if they need us, and we’ll come to a common room - the living room or the kitchen - to talk to you.

“But adults don’t have to knock?” Dominique wonders. “To come in this room?”

“We do,” Mrs. Smith corrects.

“You do,” Dominique echoes, confused. “You didn’t…”

“If you or Pearl are in here and I come to talk to you, I will knock first and ask to come in.”

“And what are we supposed to do?” Dominique asks.

“You can say ‘ _ Come in _ ,’ or you can say ‘ _ Living room _ ,’ or ‘ _ Kitchen _ ,’ if you’d rather talk there.”

Dominique nods imperceptibly.

“Okay,” Mrs. Smith nods. “I can let Michael know you’d prefer to talk in a common room, and not have us in your room.”

Dominique’s about to say this ain’t her room, but catches herself.

“I want you to know that part of your being with us means that we’ll help you when you’re hurt.

Dominique levels a look at Mrs. Smith. “Are you trying to say something to me?” she asks, quiet.

“Only that if you get hurt here, a safe adult will help you. You won’t be on your own.”

“What makes you safe?” Dominique challenges. “And him.”

“What it means to be safe is that Michael and I don’t hurt kids. So there’s no violence. No hurting you. Not your bodies, not your feelings, nothing.”

Dominique snickers. “Sorry,” she says, sobering. “It’s just funny.”

“What’s that?” Mrs, Smith asks.

“All the foster homes...they don’t make sense…” Dominique tries to explain.

“What doesn’t make sense about no violence?” Mrs. Smith asks honestly.

“Why are you saying it like it’s supposed to make me feel better? Why am I supposed to believe you?”

“You’re right. Trust takes time to build. But I’m letting you know what you can expect while you’re here.”

“You’re gonna kick me out,” Dominique says, matter-of-fact. “They all do. Nobody keeps me.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Mrs. Smith apologizes, like she means it. Dominique still struggles to believe.

“Is it true, what Levi said about the bathroom? I can close the door?”

“Yes,” Laura says. “One person at a time in the bathroom, as well, unless you need a safe adult’s help. If that was the case, I’d come and help you.”

“With what?” Dominique asks.

“Say you got hurt. Slipped and fell. Needed a bandaid. I’d find you a bandaid. Offer to put it on you.”

“No, thank you,” Dominique says, getting up abruptly. “I don’t get hurt, anyway. Nothing hurts me. So, we’re good then.”

\--

Michael sits at the kitchen table with Pearl and Levi. 

“What happened to her?” Levi asks.

“Levi,” Pearl reprimands lightly. “Remember what Laura said? Be kind with your questions? I don’t think asking what happened to her is one of those.”

“Oh,” Levi hangs his head. “I just meant her skin, though.”

“I understand what you meant. But that’s Dominique’s private business. She can talk about it whenever she wants, if she wants. But it’s not our place to ask questions about what happened to her.”

“What is it?” Levi asks. “Our place?”

“To be safe people for her. Laura and I are safe adults...and you and Pearl are learning to be safe people, too, right? So if she says something that makes you feel scared or nervous, you come and talk to Laura or me. Otherwise, just be kind. Levi, that means no punching, right?”

“Right, just beanbag throwing, in the beanbag room.” Levi nods.

“Pearl? You have any questions?” Michael asks.

“I...don’t really know how to live with a roommate…” she admits. “So, I’m nervous having one.”

“Ah. Well, it takes a little time to get used to another person in your space. The main idea is, respect each other’s space, and property. So, no snooping though her things...and likewise for her.”

Michael doesn’t know for sure, but he thinks he might catch a hint of disappointment on Pearl’s face.

\--

“What’s this room?” Dominique asks, after Mrs. Smith talks to her about a million more lies. Things she promises she and Michael will never do. But always happen anyway. Yelling. Name-calling. Swearing. (Mrs. Smith says Dominique is allowed to swear, but only about things. Not at people. Dominique doesn’t get the difference.)

“This is what we call the beanbag room. This is where you can come if you start to feel very angry or very sad. You can throw any of these beanbags you want. You can yell, scream, cry. Anything you need to do.”

“Why?” Dominique asks.

“Because everyone needs a safe place to express their big feelings,” Mrs. Smith explains.

Dominique’s stomach growls.

“Hungry?” Mrs. Smith asks.

Dominique doesn’t do anything. 

“Come on. We can go to the kitchen and get a snack,” Mrs. Smith says.

Dominique shivers as she leaves the beanbag room. She’s never going to use it. 

She’s not even angry.

She’s fine.


	16. Wednesday

It hits her when Dominique gets to the kitchen. Sees the dude there with Pearl and Levi. This whole setup feels like a Wednesday. The day where things are maybe mostly okay. But the reality is that Friday’s coming.

Friday always came.

There are sandwiches on a plate and Dominique checks with the dude. Just a glance his way. Quick, so maybe he missed it.

“You can have one of these,” he says, gesturing to the plate.

Dominique smiles. “Okay. You pick,” she says, knowing all about dudes and power.

“We don’t control other people in this house,” he says. “That’s part of what makes it safe. So, that means you’re free to pick your own sandwich.”

“You can have peanut butter and jelly, or just peanut butter, or just jelly,” Levi says helpfully.

“You aren’t allergic, are you?” Pearl asks.

“No,” Dominique scoffs and she takes a sandwich to prove it. She eats quietly, and when she’s finished, she pops a TicTac from the pack she took from the last house, so she’ll be fresh. Then, she gets up and walks to the dude, whose chair is out a little, so there’s room.

She smiles at him.

He smiles back.

Yup. Just like before.

So, Dominique does what’s expected. She sits on his lap. “Thank you,” she says softly, reaching…

Before she knows what’s happening, he’s lifting her off his lap and setting her on her feet. Dominique’s confused as hell.

The dude looks all flustered when he says. “You need to sit in your own chair.”

Dominique walks back and sits down. She angles her chair toward him,

Mrs. Smith joins them at the table then. “In a safe house, everybody has the right to their own space. That means, we don’t touch each other, or sit on laps without asking first.”

“What?” Dominique asks. “I was just saying ‘Thank you,’” Dominique objects.

“And we appreciate your good manners. In this house, when you feel like saying ‘Thank you,’ you just say it from right where you are. Make sense?” she checks.

“Not really…” Dominique mumbles.

Levi and Pearl are exchanging looks like Dominique is super weird.

Well, she thinks they’re super weird. “I think throwing beanbags is really rude…” she announces.

“Is it?” Levi asks, horrified.

“Yes, because treating the beanbags all carelessly like that? That’s so mean,” Dominique says, looking at Mrs. Smith.

“I hear that you’re concerned about us being mean to the beanbags. Do you want to tell us more about that?” Mrs. Smith asks.

“I’m sorry, but what even is this conversation?” Pearl interjects. “Laura, you know as well as Levi and Michael and I that beanbags don’t have feelings.”

“--That you  _ know _ of--” Dominique interrupts. 

“Alright. One person at a time. I was talking to Dominique just now. Pearl, you’ll get your turn. We don’t dismiss each other’s feelings.”

“I wasn’t…” Pearl says, hurt. “I mean, I wasn’t trying to. Just… It’s not logical…”

“You’re floccinaucinihilipilification,” Dominique says airily. (None of these people will have any idea she just basically called Pearl worthless. None of them are probably smart enough.)

But she realizes quickly that she’s wrong. Because the dude’s looking at her disapprovingly. (She underestimated him.) Dominique tenses.

“Dominique. We do not insult people in this house. I need you to apologize to Pearl right now, please.”

“How?” Dominique asks, keeping her voice steady; controlled.

“I’m sorry for insulting you,” Mrs. Smith advises, giving her the words. Dominique double checks with the dude. Sees him nod.

“Fine. I’m sorry for insulting you. Whatever,” Dominique huffs.

“Listen to her. She’s not even sorry!” Pearl objects.

“What did she say?” Levi asks.

When the dude gets up from the table, Dominique tracks him. But he just walks over to Mrs. Smith and they talk with their heads bent together.

\--

“I cannot be alone with that child,” Michael whispers once he and Laura are in a quiet corner. He fills Laura in about exactly what almost transpired with her on his lap. “I need to let the social worker know. And we need to make sure we have extra layers of the safety plan in place.”

“Right,” Laura nods. “So, only in common rooms with her. She already mentioned if we need to talk to her, she’d rather in the kitchen or the living room. She’d prefer not to have you in the bedroom…”

“Not going to be a problem,” Michael reassures.

“And I don’t think it would hurt to make sure we’re being as clear as we can be with her whenever possible,” Laura says.

“Agreed. So, I’m going to make that phone call, just so the social worker’s aware. I know we’ll probably find out a lot tomorrow when she brings Dominique’s file by, but I think this is important,” Michael adds. “Just for her to be aware of.”

Laura makes sure all three kids are in their eyeline as they talk. “So...we’ll ask Pearl and Levi to find something quiet to do in their rooms for a bit. You make that call, and I’ll talk to Dominique.”

“Sounds good,” Michael nods, “And, break,” he jokes, as if they’re in a football huddle. “Pearl and Levi, I need you two to please find something quiet and safe to do in your rooms for a while.”

“Can I throw beanbags?” Pearl asks.

“I can be there for you on hugging breaks!” Levi volunteers.

“That’s so sweet of you, Levi, but safe adults are in charge of making sure kids take breaks in the beanbag room. So, let me make one phone call, and then I’ll come knock on your door, and you can meet me there, Pearl.”

“I don’t really need all this supervision, you know,” Pearl says, like she’s too mature for all of this. “I can handle myself.”

“I know. But you shouldn’t have to handle everything yourself. We’re a team, and I got your back. So, we cool? Will you wait for me?”

“I suppose,” she sighs.

“I’m gonna go on an imaginary safari in my room and pet all the animals I find!” Levi shares.

“That sounds like a great idea,” Michael says.

\--

Dominique doesn’t move from the table until Mrs. Smith extends a hand to her. “Let’s go sit in the living room and have a calm discussion.”

Ignoring the hand, Dominique gets up and follows Mrs. Smith. She’s the weirdest adult Dominique has ever met, with this habit of sitting on the floor, while Dom sits on furniture.

Well, usually. Today, Dominique doesn’t even bother sitting down. “I’ll go get my stuff,” she sighs. 

She knows how this goes. One phone call, and she’s out. An hour must be a new record. But she doesn’t mind. She looks forward to giving Pearl a piece of her mind about saying she’ll throw beanbags after Dominique specifically said that it was a mean thing to do.

“Hold on. You’re not leaving,” Mrs. Smith says, confusing Dominique even more. “Sit down, please.”

“Where?” Dominique asks.

“Why don’t you pick any of the furniture in the living room here? So, the couch. The little couch. The chair.”

Dominique picks the chair. “So…” she says.

“I need you to listen very carefully to what I’m about to say. If you have questions, I need you to please ask me. This is very important. Clear, so far?” Mrs. Smith checks.

“Listen...and ask questions...because it’s very important,” Dominique repeats.

“Right. Very good,” Mrs. Smith says and she actually smiles like she’s happy. Then, she goes into this totally babyish lecture about what parts on a person are private and what that means. And that only that person that the parts belong to can touch them. Nobody else ever.

“That’s not true,” Dominique points out. 

“What do you know to be true about this?” Mrs. Smith asks.

“That any adult can touch a kid anytime they want. They don’t have to ask even. And the kid has to do what the adult wants,” Dominique explains.

“And is that why you sat on Michael’s lap and touched his belt?” Mrs. Smith asks, like she’s just curious.

“Am I in trouble? That dude, Michael. He’s on the phone with my social worker.” Dominique worries, catching a glimpse of him.

“You are not in trouble. I promise you. There are some things a social worker needs to know right away. I need to know, Dominique, why you sat on Michael’s lap and touched his belt. Can you tell me?”

“‘Cause…” Dominique starts, her voice a little hoarse. “It’s what they want.”

“Who?” Mrs. Smith asks.

“The dudes. The men, you know?” Dominique asks.

“I see. So, you used to know some dudes who wanted you to sit on their laps and touch their belts while you said thank you?”

“Well, I didn’t get to do everything…” Dominique admits. “Not everything they wanted.”

“These men… Did they hurt you?” Mrs. Smith asks.

“Why?” Dominique wonders.

“Because if they hurt you, it means they were unsafe people. In this house, it’s the opposite. Because no one will hurt you. And no one - not even Michael - wants you to do anything the men wanted you to do. Do you remember what we said about saying thank you?”

“Say it from right where I am because everybody needs their own space,” Dominique recites.

“Very good,” Mrs. Smith says. “It’s very important that you know that in this house? We don’t come into anybody else’s space - like their rooms or the bathroom when it’s occupied. If one of those doors is closed, we knock. If the beanbag room door is closed, we knock. And we wait to hear ‘ _ come in _ ’ before we come in.”

“Pearl’s gonna throw beanbags just because I said it’s mean…” Dominique points out.

“And we can definitely discuss that more in a minute. But I need to talk to you about one more important thing first,” Mrs. Smith says. “Do you think you can hang in there? Listen for just a little longer?”

Dominique nods.

“So, the last thing I need to remind you of is that in this house, we do not touch each other without asking first,” Mrs. Smith explains.

“You mean I had to ask Michael first before sitting on his lap?” Dominique checks. “Or else, what?”

“Well, let me tell you what you can expect when you do ask: and that’s direction. If you asked Michael ‘Can I sit on your lap and touch your belt?’ he would have told you ‘No.’ And maybe next you would have explained that you were trying to thank him. And then he would tell you that saying thank you is enough and you need to say it from where you’re sitting because everybody needs their own space.”

“That’s weird,” Dominique decides.

“So, let’s review…” Mrs. Smith says, like she’s excited by the idea.

“Are you a teacher, or something?” Dominique asks.

“I actually am,” Mrs. Smith nods.

“So, don’t go in rooms that aren’t the living room or the kitchen without knocking first and hearing yes. Don’t touch anybody without asking first. If I ask first, and somebody says no, they’ll tell me what I can do instead…” Dominique recites. “Now can I be done?”

“Yes. Let’s just sit quietly here for a minute,” Mrs. Smith encourages. “And I’d still love to hear more about the beanbags sometime if you want to tell me.”

“Not right now,” Dominique manages softly.


	17. Cavity

“You said we were gonna talk about Pearl being mean,” Dominique reminds after a while where they literally just sit and do nothing.

“Yes, we can. Thanks for reminding me. So you were saying you’re worried we’re hurting the beanbags’ feelings?” Mrs. Smith checks.

“Well, it doesn’t feel good to just be tossed around like you don’t matter, you know? I thought you’ve been saying in a safe house, you gotta be nice and stuff,” Dominique objects.

“I agree. It definitely doesn’t feel good to be tossed around like you don’t matter. Do you want to say anything more about that?” Mrs. Smith checks.

Dominique shakes her head.

“Alright. So, you are absolutely right that in a safe home, part of what makes it safe is that all the people in it don’t hurt each other. No hitting, no punching, no kicking, no biting. So the people in a house don’t hurt the other people in it.”

“You already said,” Dominique points out.

“I’m being thorough. I’m sorry, sometimes I’m too thorough. Am I overwhelming you?” Mrs. Smith asks, like she means it.

“Kinda makes me feel like you think I’m stupid. Like I don’t listen, when I do listen,” Dominique admits.

“Thank you for telling me that. I’m very sorry for making you feel like you’re stupid. I don’t think you are at all. I think you’re very smart. I also know - from teaching - that kids learn different things at different times. Sometimes kids learn things when they’re very little. Sometimes when they grow bigger, hard things can happen to them and those can make them forget things they maybe learned already. Or they maybe never learned a certain thing. And that’s okay,” Mrs. Smith explains.

“So...you don’t think I’m stupid...just maybe I haven’t learned things yet? And that’s fine ‘cause people learn at all different speeds and times?” Dominique reviews, knowing Mrs. Smith likes it.

“Right. So, I have a question for you. And it’s not meant to insult you or hurt your feelings. I’m only curious about what you’ve learned so far. Okay?” Mrs. Smith asks.

“You said ask right away if I have questions because it’s important?” Dominique interjects.

“Yes. Do you want to ask me something?” Mrs. Smith checks.

“If an adult asks a kid a question...does that kid have to answer? Just like...if an adult asks a kid to do something...does the kid have to do it?” Dominique checks.

“You don’t have to answer my question, no. If you don’t want to, you can just say, “Not comfortable,” or “I don’t want to say,” and we’ll talk about something else.” Calmly. And kindly.”

“You wouldn’t get mad?” Dominique checks, incredulous.

“No, I wouldn’t get mad.” Mrs. Smith pauses here. “Now, your second question has a little bit more of an involved answer. The first thing you need to know is that we do not force each other to do anything in this house. Forcing isn’t a safe action. There will be times, though, when I’ll need your cooperation.” 

“So, can you tell me when those times are?” Dominique wonders.

“Yes. Maybe if one of you kids were sick or hurt. Maybe if we needed to--”

“No,” Dominique interrupts. “I mean, can you say, ‘I need your cooperation,’ to me? When it’s one of those times? So, I know?”

“Oh. Yes,” Mrs. Smith nods.

Dominique waits expectantly. Finally, she asks, “So… Were you gonna ask me your question now?”

“Oh, right,” Mrs. Smith agrees. “So...I wondered if you had learned the difference yet..between people and objects? Do you know what makes them different?”

“Yes,” Dominique answers.

“Can you tell me the difference?” Mrs. Smith asks, casually.

Dominique thinks carefully. Wants to keep making a good impression. So that Mrs. Smith knows she’s a good student. Wants Mrs. Smith to know Dominique as the best student who always gets the right answers.

“People are...people. They’re human. Objects are things?” Dominique tries.

“Yes,” Mrs. Smith nods, smiling. “What else is true about people?

“Wait. Both people and things are nouns, though. So that’s a thing they have in common,” Dominique points out.

“Right,” Mrs. Smith asks. “But right now, we’re trying to think about differences. Are objects alive?” she asks, like she knows Dominique knows this one.

“Obviously not,” Dominique smiles a little.

“Are people in this house right now alive?” Mrs. Smith asks.

“I guess,” Dominique answers grudgingly. 

“People also have feelings,” Mrs. Smith points out gently, which is why you so intelligently pointed out that it would hurt a lot of people got thrown around like beanbags. But the truth is, beanbags aren’t alive. And they’re also objects that Michael and I consent to you all throwing in a safe space - which is the beanbag room - and as long as you don’t throw them at people.”

“Dead beanbags…” Dominique remarks smirking. “Pearl’s down there right now throwing dead beanbags…” 

“I’m very happy you see the distinction, but let’s not make jokes about living and dead, okay? That can be hard for people who’ve had losses.”

“My grandma died. And my mom died. And a baby died, too. Everybody dies. Old, young. It doesn’t matter. It’s no big deal,” Dominique shrugs.

“The reality is that yes, some people who have known a lot of loss cope like you do. By accepting it as a part of life and moving on. But not everybody’s exactly the same. And some people’s losses are still very fresh.”

Dominique shrugs again.

“I need your cooperation on this, Dominique. When it’s just you and me, it’s okay to make living and dead jokes. But when you’re around everybody else I need you to not make those jokes. Does that make sense.”

“I can say dead beanbags to you but not to anybody else…” Dominique says, disappointed. “That’s no fun, though. ‘Cause it’s funny.”

“Why is it funny?” Mrs. Smith asks.

“‘Cause! The idea of Pearl throwing around some dead beanbags is like...happy for me… She did it in the first place because I said it’s mean. She wants to get to me,” Dominique says, decidedly, crossing her arms.

“That’s one possibility. There’s also a possibility that Pearl was feeling some big feelings that she needed to express safely, and she chose to go to the beanbag room,” Mrs. Smith points out.

“Yeah, big feelings like, ‘Screw you, Dominique!’” What?” Dominique challenges Mrs. Smith. “You said I could swear.”

“You’re right, but that was actually an example of swearing at a person. Which is not something we do here.” Mrs. Smith isn’t smiling anymore.

“But it was me, though. I can swear at me, I say so…” Dominique insists.

“I say no,” Mrs. Smith insists. “Because you swearing at yourself like that hurts you. If it helps, think of it as a challenge: how could you change your sentence, so it’s safe to say here?”

“Are you mad?” Dominique checks. “I can still go get my stuff.”

“No. I’m not mad. You’re staying,” Mrs. Smith reassures. “What about that sentence?”

“‘ _ Screw your feelings, Dominique _ ?’ That I feel like that’s what Pearl’s saying to me by throwing the beanbags?”

“Very good correction. And I hear that you feel very invalidated by Pearl’s choice to throw beanbags after you talked about it being mean to throw them.”

“Yeah,” Dominique nods. “‘Cause it’s rude.”

“Because it’s rude,” Mrs. Smith says.

Dominique fidgets with the slipcover thing that goes over the armrest of the chair. Wishes she could fold herself inside the whole chair. Just live there. In the silence, she’s thinking.

“But...you’re saying...maybe it’s not mean...if the beanbags are dead? So they don’t care if we throw them?” Dominique tries.

“Right. You’re learning a lot of new information today and your processing it really well. I’m proud of you.”

Dominique doesn’t answer right away. Finally, she asks: “What do I say?”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Mrs. Smith tells her. “Compliments are free.”

But Dominique knows that nothing is.


	18. Engaged

Pearl’s busy pelting beanbags, trying to hit the same place on the wall each time. But it’s not doing anything. She puts them down.

“Can you come here?” she asks Michael, who’s standing by the wall, like he promised.

“Sure,” Michael walks over.

“Can we...throw them at the wall together, maybe? And take turns saying something we’re mad about?” Pearl asks.

“We could do that, definitely,” Michael nods. “Sometimes it’s easier to get feelings out when you’re not feeling put on the spot about it.”

“Okay, but can we just do it, though?” Pearl asks. “Not discuss everything to death?”

“Sure,” Michael agrees. “So, you first, and we alternate? And what do you say, this time, we think about what makes us mad, but we don’t have to say it aloud unless we choose to.”

Pearl nods. “And just at the wall, not at people. I remember,” she says, before he can say it.

Michael nods at her to take a turn. Pearl aims at the wall like she’s a pitcher. She sets. Sets. Sets again. Finally, she has the thought of Dominique saying some long insult firmly in her mind. She hurls the beanbag, making the exact same sound tennis players make when they connect with a ball.

“Good one,” Michael approves. He squints, aims, and winds up, even raising one knee, in a full-on pitch. He hits the exact place Pearl did.

She wonders what he could be mad about.

They each do five, and then he gestures her off to the side. “How you feeling?” he asks.

Without warning, Pearl crumbles, sinking to her knees. Michael comes down, too.

“Hey. It’s okay. Let it out,” he encourages.

“I’m sorry…” Pearl apologizes.

“Don’t apologize for honest feelings. You wanna share why you’re sad?” Michael asks, after a few moments.

“Because…” Pearl manages. (She seriously hates how crying feels. Not to mention how she can just hear her mother’s voice in her head telling her to put the emotion away.) “I don’t even know. Probably no reason. Just ignore me. I’m being dramatic.”

“I think you’re being human,” Michael says gently. “I think there is always a reason. And it’s okay that you don’t know.”

Pearl looks up at him through blurry eyes. After a beat, she admits, “I feel like nothing. Because you and Laura didn’t make Dominique apologize to me genuinely.”

“Ah,” he says softly, like he gets this, and Pearl cannot stop herself from throwing her arms around him.

It’s such a relief when he hugs her back. It’s so warm and gentle.

“My mom...she always talked to us like that…” Pearl confides. “And I didn’t at first, but eventually? I started believing that maybe it wouldn’t be that way here.”

“That makes so much sense,” Michael agrees, still holding onto her. He does, until she lets go.

“I’m so sorry,” Pearl shakes her head. “You guys have been great. I appreciate everything. This is really no big deal…”

“Hey…” Michael says, in the same soft way. “It’s a big deal. Your feelings are a big deal around here. And I am so sorry that we didn’t handle that situation in the way you needed.”

Pearl finds Kleenex and blows her nose loudly. “It’s fine. I mean, you guys said she had to apologize...but I guess you can’t make her mean it…”

“It can be hard when people are just learning how things work in a new place. Because it kinda shakes things up. This is the first time you’ve experienced that.”

“Well… The second. When Levi moved in with us? I definitely wasn’t expecting that. It was very hard to adjust to. But at least Mom and I could vent together. Now, it’s like...that’s not allowed...because it would hurt her feelings. Right?”

“And being the oldest...that’s a difficult position in a home. Everybody looking to you to be the example. That pressure,” Michael offers.

“Did you have it? I mean...were you the oldest?” Pearl asks.

“Technically. I’m one of three. My siblings are twins. Parents adopted me around the same time. We’re exactly the same age...except that they called me the little brother. Actually, if you look at all our birth certificates, you see it: I was born first. So, I was treated like a youngest. Sort of doted on. And resented by my siblings. All while I felt this tremendous pressure to make sure my sibs were okay. And my parents.”

“That’s so weird. That’s kinda how I feel,” Pearl breathes. “Like...it’s all on me.” There’s silence. “Why can’t I say how I really feel about Dominique but she can say the longest word in the English language to insult me? Because I’m the oldest do my feelings not matter?”

“They absolutely matter. Dominique is still learning. She’s only been here a few hours. Everybody makes mistakes in new situations, right? Sometimes, really big mistakes. Like you said, we can ask her to apologize, but we can’t make her mean it. She’ll come to it on her own. Or she won’t. I get that it’s hard. But if we shamed you guys for every mistake you made when you first got here? That wouldn’t make you feel very safe, right?”

“Right, but her fake-apologizing doesn’t make me feel safe, either,” Pearl objects.

“Laura will work on that with her. She’s learning a lot of new things at once right now. We gotta give her room to take them in. Imagine you came here three years ago. No little brother to greet you when you got here,” Michael ventures.

“I’d be even more scared...but I’d also never have left....” Pearl admits.

Michael cocks his head.

“I wouldn’t have had a reason to. But I had to protect Levi. And that’s why Mom hit me,” she shrugs. “She knew I made the call. So, it’s a different situation.”

“That’s true. Hey. You’re a good sister. I know that. And you can always come to me and talk about your feelings, alright?”

“Okay. I mean...I probably won’t. It’s weird,” Pearl smiles, picking up the beanbags.

“Fair,” Michael smiles. “Wanna go for a run?” he asks.

“Can I get Levi?” Pearl asks.

“Please,” Michael invites. “Y’all like to run, huh?” he asks when Pearl’s almost out the door.

And Pearl smiles a little. “Are you kidding? We’re Wests. We love to run.”

“Cool. Me, too,” Michael nods.


	19. Saint

Levi has just spent a long time cleaning his whole entire room. He’s hoping that it’ll help, with the new girl, Dominique, here and everything. 

But he gets distracted playing with his Legos, and he’s startled when there’s a knock at his door.

“Yes?” he asks, nervous.

“It’s Michael. May I come in?” he asks.

Levi hurries to break his Lego creations and puts the pieces in a basket under his bed. When Michael can’t see what Levi’s been up to, he says, “Come in.”

“Hey. Pearl and I were gonna go for a run. You wanna come, too?” Michael asks.

“I told him we  _ loved _ to run,” Pearl insists smiling.

Levi doesn’t really love it anymore. He used to. But now even the fun things aren’t fun anymore.

“I was just cleaning my room,” he offers.

“Very nice,” Michael nods. “You wanna come with us?”

Levi smiles. “Sure, I guess.” (It’s better than staying here alone with Laura and Dominique, who seems super boundaryless.) “I’ll get my coat.”

\--

Dominique feels better when the dude and The Wests leave. When it’s just her and Mrs. Smith in the house and she doesn’t have to worry about where anybody is or what they might be doing or planning to do.

“How much food do you have in this house?” Dominique asks.

“Can I show you?” Laura asks. “Want to walk to the kitchen with me?” 

Dominique falls into step beside her, not touching, because she didn’t ask Mrs. Smith’s consent. She stands back as Mrs. Smith opens drawers and cupboards, the refrigerator, the freezer. Everything has food in it. Everything is full.

“So, I mean… I don’t mean this to be rude… but I know for a fact that teachers don’t make a lot of money. And your husband? Does he work?”

“He does, yes,” Mrs. Smith answers.

“Do you, like, make enough?” Dominique asks.

“To buy food for everybody?” Mrs. Smith checks. “Yes, we do. We go grocery shopping once a week.”

Dominique mouths ‘once a week’ to herself. “And what are the rules? About food?”

“Well, everybody comes to the table for meals. Silverware is used for your food only, not as a weapon. No kids may touch the stove when it’s on, because it’s unsafe,” Mrs. Smith lists.

“And everybody in their own chair,” Dominique remembers.

“Good memory, yes. And everybody in their own chairs,” Mrs. Smith praises.

\--

Levi, Pearl and Michael run for a while. It’s more like jogging, but Michael says that’s fine.

It’s the only thing that really helps Levi’s feelings about the things he can’t talk about. Moving himself all around. Getting tired out. For some reason, that really does help.

He likes the noise all their steps make together. The rhythm and stuff. It’s steady and good and always the same.

Levi gets tired first because he’s the smallest. Then, they turn around and head for home, just walking, regular speed.

“Do we have to be in the beanbag room to talk about feelings?” Levi asks.

“Nope,” Michael reassures him. “We can talk about feelings wherever we’re comfortable.

“I like running,” Levi confides. “Sometimes, I used to think of running away, but I never did.”

“At my…” Pearl trails off. “I mean, before?”

“Yeah,” Levi sighs.

“I’m glad you didn’t run away,” Pearl says. “But I understand why you thought about it. I used to think about it, too.”

“Because she was mean to you?” Levi asks, seriously.

“Yes,” Pearl nods.

They’re quiet, and then Michael says, “In this house - our safe house - with safe adults? If either one of you feels like running, you come and tell each other, and then me or Laura. No running alone, okay?”

“Not even for me? I’m fifteen,” Pearl says.

“Well, if I had to guess, I’d guess that you’ve had plenty of experience running alone, and very little experience running with safe people.”

“I run track at school,” Pearl says, pushing back a little.

“Another great example of running with others,” Michael smiles.

“Darn it,” Pearl says. “Why do I keep proving your points?”

Michael just smiles.

“How long do you think before Dominique’s all settled?” Levi asks. “And nice? I don’t like people fighting.”

“Well, it takes as long as it takes. And Laura and I are not gonna fight,” Michael says.

“No, but Pearl and Dominique, though…” Levi objects.

“Pearl knows to come and get me or Laura if she and Dominique have a disagreement. Right?” he asks Pearl.

“I guess if I have to,” she admits.

“Thank you. That would be very safe of you,” Michael says.

“Can we have hot chocolate when we get back?” Levi asks. “You know, since I can never have Starbucks?”

“I think we can make hot chocolate happen,” Michael offers.

Levi feels a lot better.

\--

“Can I lock the bathroom door?” Dominique asks curiously. She’s actually inside the bathroom right now. Their safe bathroom, they’d probably say. Dominique doesn’t get what makes it any different from other bathrooms. They all have the same stuff in them. This one is a lot cleaner.

“You sure can,” Mrs. Smith says from the hall.

Dominique cracks the door. “Where will you be?”

“Right here,” Mrs. Smith says.

“For how long?” Dominique checks.

“As long as you’re in the bathroom, I’m going to be standing right here,” Mrs. Smith says.

“To make sure nobody comes in?” Dominique asks. “Or that I don’t act bad? Or?”

“Well, in case you needed something,” Mrs. Smith explains.

“Is this that ‘In case I get hurt and need a bandaid’ thing?” Dominique wonders, skeptical.

“Yes. It’s that, exactly,” Mrs. Smith nods.

“Okay…” Dominique says, slowly closing the door. “I’m gonna lock this…”

“Okay,” Mrs. Smith says. “I’m right out here.”

Dominique pops the lock suddenly, opening the door to check if Mrs. Smith moved. 

She hasn’t. She smiles and waves. (She’s so weird.)

Dominique closes the door again. Locks it. Sits against it. Unlocks it. Checks. For the longest time. Mrs. Smith never makes her stop, she just keeps asking how Dominique is doing, and Dominique says fine.

When the front door opens and the dude and The Wests are back, Dominique wants to lock herself in the bathroom forever. But she doesn’t.

She does the opposite and comes out.

Because it’s important to always be good.


	20. Sinner

Michael is positive this day has gone on forever. It’s taken an evening jog and a lot of one on one time for Laura and Dominique for Dominique to even begin to feel comfortable here. If Michael had to guess, he’d say she’s an expert at covering. At projecting what she thinks they want to see.

Finally, Michael sees to the chicken and rice in the crockpot. He zaps the green beans in the microwave and sets a loaf of bread on the table. He’s careful when he sits down, to be sure that he’s between Levi and Pearl. Laura’s between Levi and Dominique. Pearl’s between Michael and Dominique.

“Mrs. Smith said silverware’s used for eating and not weapons,” Dominique reports. Michael sees she’s not eating.

“How come you call her Mrs. Smith, not Laura?” Levi asks, scooping a bite of chicken and rice up and eating it.

“Sorry. Should I?” Dominique asks, cutting a glance at Laura.

“Mrs. Smith is okay,” Laura reassures with a smile. “Everybody’s comfortable with different things,” she explains to Levi.

“What else did you talk about today?” Michael asks carefully.

“No sex,” Dominique passes along casually.

Beside him, Pearl chokes a little. Michael pats her on the back.

“Oooh,” Levi calls softly. He whispers, wide-eyed, “She’s talking about s-e-x!”

“She’s talking about what to expect in this safe home. With safe people. Part of that is no sex. You’re right, Dominique,” Laura reassures again.

Dominique has gone still, and is watching, frozen.

“It’s okay,” Laura reassures. “You’re not in trouble. Levi, there are some words we shouldn’t say at school, for example, right?”

“Like that word Dominique just said,” Levi nods.

“But here in this safe home, it’s alright for use whatever words we need to communicate. You don’t swear in school, but here, it’s okay to do that, as long as it’s not at a person. No name-calling.”

“I still don’t think you should say it,” Levi decides.

“Levi, mind your own business,” Pearl reprimands lightly.

“She’s acting kinda bitchy…” Dominique whispers to Laura.

“Okay, seriously?! Did you not hear what Laura  _ just _ said! Don’t swear at me!” Pearl exclaims.

“I didn’t…” Dominique denies.

“We all literally just heard you,” Pearl insists, blinking back tears.

“Dominique, that was an example of coming too close to swearing at a person. I need your cooperation right now. Please apologize to Pearl.”

“Don’t bother,” Pearl insists. “I know all of you just think I’m worthless anyway.”

\--

Pearl’s on her bed sobbing when she hears a tap on her bedroom door. 

“May I come in?”

Snuffling, Pearl gets up and pulls the door open. “You heard her swear right at me!” she insists, falling against Michael’s shoulder.

“I did,” Michael says gently, patting her back. “You don’t deserve to be spoken to like that. We are going to make sure she apologizes to you.”

“How am I going to live with her?” Pearl asks forlornly.

“You do your best. Just like you do in every other area of your life, right? Now, I want you to know you didn’t do anything wrong just now. Alright?”

“I guess…” Pearl wipes her eyes.

\--

“Are all y’all smart?” Dominique asks, in awe, leaning around Mrs. Smith to talk to Levi. (Seriously. So far, the dude and Pearl both know what Dominique said earlier. In all the other houses, no one did.)

“Yes,” Levi answers testily.

Dominique’s quiet. She still can’t eat. She already had a whole sandwich.

“The next time you see Pearl, I need you to apologize to her. Tell her you’re sorry and what you’re sorry for.”

“And mean it,” Levi adds. “You have to mean it, or it doesn’t count.”

Dominique turns questioning eyes to Mrs. Smith. “Do I?”

“I think it’s a good idea to practice putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Imagine if someone said you were worthless...or they said you were...very crabby...but in a derogatory way.”

Dominique stares at her blankly.

“How would you feel?” Mrs. Smith asks.

“I’d feel like that’s a Tuesday. Big deal,” she shrugs.

Levi’s mouth drops open.

“So, let’s think back together,” Mrs. Smith says. “To the very first time someone said something mean to you that you weren’t expecting.”

Dominique’s mind is drifting. She remembers. The strong feeling of being so scared there had been no words for it.

“Scared,” she offers quietly.

“You felt scared,” Mrs. Smith answers. “And if the person who scared you said they were sorry for scaring you...would it matter if they meant it?”

“Yeah,” Dominique nods, a little breathless. “‘Cause if they didn’t, then I’d know they might do it again. The same thing.”

\--

It takes a long time for Dominique to wanna face Pearl again. She actually never wants to face her, so she avoids seeing her for most of the night, until she has no choice. She changes in the safe bathroom, by herself, with the door locked.

Pearl changes in their bedroom, by herself.

It’s when the light’s off and Dominique’s on the opposite top bunk that she talks to Pearl.

“Sorry. For saying you’re worthless...and bitchy…” Dominique apologizes quietly.

Pearl’s quiet.

“Did you hear me?” Dominique asks.

“I did,” Pearl sniffs.

“I just…” Dominique trails off. “I don’t know.”

“I’ve never had a roommate,” Pearl offers. “Have you?”

“More than you wanna know,” Dominique sighs. 

“You mean the foster homes?” Pearl asks. “You’ve been to others?”

“Sure. Let’s go with that,” Dominique says, agreeable. “Sucks, too, ‘cause I’m an only child…”

“No way. Me, too,” Pearl insists.

“Wait. I thought Levi was your brother,” Dominique points out.

“He is. But I only met him...less than a year ago? Most of my life I was like you,” Pearl yawns.

“No one’s like me,” Dominique says back in the dark.

“I meant an only child. Not your clone,” Pearl says.

“That dude… How is he?” Dominique wonders.

“Michael? I don’t know...he seems...like...Clark Kent?” Pearl offers.

“That somebody you know?” Dominique wonders.

“Superman’s nerdy alter-ego,” Pearl allows.

“Is it true? All the stuff Mrs. Smith says? No violence?” Dominique checks.

“Seems to be…” Pearl nods. “They haven’t hit me yet...even when I probably deserve it…”

“Huh. Weird,” Dominique breathes.

“I know, right?” Pearl answers.

They don’t talk anymore.


	21. Vacation

Winter break is admittedly not one of Laura’s favorite times of year, but the break from school for the kids does mean she and Michael can schedule the myriad of appointments needed when a new child enters their home. There’s also plenty of time for them to go shopping for things that child might need.

“Eat up,” Laura urges. “We’re going on a Target run in a bit.”

“To get Dominique stuff, I bet,” Levi offers. “I know. Because once, I went to Target, and once, Pearl went to Target.”

“You said you shopped more than that…” Dominique points out, her worry just barely evident.

“We do,” Laura reassures. “Levi’s talking about the Target trip for kids who just move in. For things they might not have.”

“Like what?” Dominique asks.

“Like...new jeans. Pajamas maybe,” Levi offers.

“Toothbrush,” Pearl offers.

“I don’t need anything, so...guess I don’t need to go…” Dominique insists.

“Part of us being safe adults is making sure that that’s the case,” Laura points out. “So, I need your cooperation on this, please, Dominique. We don’t have to spend a long time there, but I do need to make sure you have what’s needed.”

“May I stay home?” Pearl asks. “I don’t want to go to the store…”

“May I stay home, too?” Dominique echoes.

“ _I_ don’t wanna stay home. I love Target,” Levi says fondly, stabbing a sausage link.

“You love Starbucks,” Pearl points out with a gentle smile.

“Yeah, I really do,” Levi takes a bite.

“Everyone is going,” Laura insists kindly. “We don’t have to stay long.”

“Sorry, honey, but have you met yourself lately?” Michael asks in a whisper.

“Ooh, you’re right…” Laura winces. She adjusts her volume so the kids can hear again. “We’ll only stay as long as we have to.”

\--

“Who wants to go over safety stuff for when we are in Target?” Michael asks.

“Stay with you or Laura,” Levi offers.

“Right, that’s a big one,” Michael answers.

“Don’t take anything without paying,” Pearl adds knowingly.

“That’s a great addition, yes.” Michael says.

“Dominique, do you have questions?” Laura wonders.

Quietly, Dominique shakes her head.

It doesn’t take long for Pearl and Levi to decide to go off with Michael and browse. He’s happy to have them, and to give Dominique the space she needs with Laura.

\--

Target is packed full of people. Everybody’s got the exact same idea and is here shopping, too. It makes Dom so nervous. Not knowing absolutely everybody and their intentions. She tries to listen as Mrs. Smith makes suggestions about clothes Dominique might like.

“How about this?” Dominique asks, picking out a pair of sweats that say _Juicy_ on the ass. 

“I definitely support women and girls’ rights to wear whatever they’d like to wear,” Mrs. Smith starts. “So, let’s have a conversation first: Why did you choose these pants?”

Dominique stares at her blankly.

“Did you like the color? Do you like pale blue?” Mrs. Smith asks.

“Should I?” Dominique asks, confused.

“Not necessarily. I guess I’m just wondering… If there was nothing specific about the pants that caught your eye… Why you’d choose them for yourself?”

Dominique raises her eyebrows. Gestures to the ass of the pants, in case it isn’t clear.

“You like what it says on the seat of the pants?” Mrs. Smith guesses. She has such a proper way of talking.

“No. Men like it,” Dominique nods, feeling a smile twitch over her face.

“Ah,” Mrs. Smith says. “Do you mean the unsafe men you knew before?”

Dominique nods.

“Well...just as a guideline...if unsafe people like something? There’s a good chance that thing is also unsafe…” Mrs. Smith points out.

“Unsafe pants,” Dominique murmurs, smiling a little. She’s thinking about dead beanbags.

“Unsafe pants,” Mrs. Smith confirms. “So...let’s try to find you some that you like.”

“But if men like it then that is safe for me,” Dominique objects, sudden.

Mrs. Smith turns to her, questioning.

“If they like what I’m wearing, they won’t be so rough,” Dominique confides.

“Okay. Here, with us… You don’t have to worry about protecting yourself by wearing what will please unsafe people. Because I will protect you from the unsafe people. That means if there’s danger, or a dangerous situation and you’re in its path, I’ll get between it and you. So it won’t be able to reach you.”

Dominique blinks, blank. She has no idea what Mrs. Smith is even talking about. Eventually, she asks, “How do I know what I like?”

“Well, sometimes I like to start with what I don’t like and go from there,” Mrs. Smith encourages. “It can be easier to eliminate choices one at a time than to pick what you like from a bunch.”

\--

Levi’s whole day is perfect now, and guess why?

Michael said they can get hot chocolate from Starbucks. And because it’s winter holidays, the hot chocolate is peppermint hot chocolate! It’s the best thing Levi’s ever tasted. (But don’t tell his dad in heaven.)

Even Pearl seems happy about the hot chocolate.

“I think my dad used to make me hot chocolate,” Pearl shares.

“Nah-uh!” Levi denies. “You weren’t there when he taught me the secret recipe.”

“I mean when I was little. Before you were born. He used to make me hot chocolate, I think.”

“That’s nice,” Michael says. “It’s a nice memory to look back on.”

“We’re not really going to be here for Christmas, are we?” Levi asks.

“Why do you ask?” Michael wonders.

“Because… Santa won’t know where to find me,” Levi worries.

“Well, we can take care of that. We can write him a letter letting him know where you are this year,” Michael says.

“But I really wanna be at my own home, with my mom and Hagrid…” Levi admits.

“I really understand that,” Michael offers.

“It won’t really feel like Christmas somewhere else,” Pearl ventures. 

\--

Dominique feels eyes on her while Mrs. Smith's back is turned. She slides her eyes behind her. Sees who’s watching. Smiles, testing it out.

He smiles back.

\--

“Dominique?” Laura asks, turning back with a shirt in her hands. After a lot of questions and answers, she’s discovered Dominique is partial to yellow or green. She’s found a shirt in her size with sunshine shining and a little plant growing.

But Dominique has vanished.

Laura’s heart is in her throat. The caseworker dropped off Dominique’s file this morning. While Laura hadn’t had a ton of time to peruse it, she’d looked closely enough to see that she had gone missing last year. Abducted out of a parking lot.

She’s scanning faces around her, and searching for Dominique’s jeweled jeans, dressy belt and striped long-sleeved tee. Finally, Laura catches sight of her, holding the hand of a strange man.

The man seems uncomfortable and Dominique is practically batting her eyes at him.

“Dominique,” Laura says, serious. “I need you to let go of this man’s hand.”

“Why?” Dominique asks.

“Because it’s not safe to hold strangers’ hands. I need your cooperation now, Dominique,” Laura says.

“Sorry,” the man says, sheepish. “She just came up and grabbed onto me. Asked where her mom was and she said she didn’t have one.”

Laura keeps her attention on Dominique. Leads her over to a bench and sits down with her. She can see Dominique’s pulse in her throat. 

She does her best to reassure Dominique and keeps her in her line of sight for the rest of the trip.

\--

Once they’re home, Dominique disappears to her room. Laura follows and knocks. “Dominique? Will you please come to the living room and talk to me?”

“Don’t bother. I’m about to be out of your hair soon enough,” Dominique calls.

Pearl opens the door. Swings it wide. “She’s packing. I figured you should know.”

“Thanks a lot, Pearl…” Dominique grumbles. “I thought we had a deal to be nice to each other now…”

“You running away in the middle of winter doesn’t seem like the safest idea…” Pearl comments.

“Whatever. I’ll survive,” Dominique insists.

It takes long minutes to convince Dominique she’s not in trouble. Even more time before she’s back in the chair in the living room.

“I need to know why you held the stranger’s hand in the store, Dominique,” Laura says softly, but firmly.

“‘Cause he _wanted_ me to!” Dominique yells, clearing her throat.

“Okay. I hear you’re upset. I just want to hear your side of things. I’m not going to hurt you. You do not have to leave. You held his hand because he wanted you to?” 

“Yes,” Dominique insists again.

“I don’t understand, honey… Did he speak to you?” Laura wonders.

“He ain’t have to. I felt him lookin’...” Dominique confides in a quieter voice. “Watching me… Like the others. Before…”

“He was staring at you…” Laura surmises. “So you felt like you had to hold his hand.”

“So, I tested it out. I didn’t go right over, I swear. I smiled. And then he smiled. That’s how I knew.” Dominique shrugs. “That’s the way of things.”

“I can understand why you’d feel that way,” Laura tells her gently. “But it’s not the way of things here.”

“Not more safe/unsafe nonsense, please…” Dominique begs.

“I hear that you’re at your limit. So we’ll pause. When you think you can hear more, you let me know,” Laura says. She settles back, leaning on her hands on the carpet. She just waits.

“My God… You’re serious…” Dominique scoffs. “Fine. Can it just be one more thing, though?”

“Yes,” Laura nods. “So, when you’re with a safe adult like me...if you feel a man you don’t know staring at you, please tell me.”

“Why?” Dominique asks.

“Because then I can make sure you don’t feel like you have to go hold his hand. Do you think you can do that?”

“I guess,” Dominique sighs. “I keep messing up. I’m just trying to be good, you know? And I keep messing up…” she manages.

“You haven’t been here long, so things are still really new. I know that. I’m not mad at you, okay?”

“So maybe you like me?” Dominique asks.

“I do,” Laura reassures her.

\--

Christmas morning comes and Pearl’s out of bed, whispering to Dominique:

“Come on. It’s Christmas…”

“Big deal…” Dominique grumbles. “Let me sleep.”

In the living room, she finds Levi in green plaid pajama pants and a grey tee shirt with a Santa hat, poring over a hard-covered book called Every Dog.

“Look, I even got a note from Santa, saying he got my letter and that’s how he knew where to find me,” Levi shares.

Pearl hugs him. “That’s great.”

She goes out to pour herself a cup of coffee, so she doesn’t let it slip that she was the one who spotted the book on their recent trip to Target and tipped Michael off that it’s something Levi would flip for.

She hasn’t believed in Santa for years...but she’s happy to be Santa for her brother.

Finally, Dominique joins them, crabby as all get-out that they’re being too loud.

Dominique’s only been here a few days, but Pearl, Levi and Laura have all been good detectives and figured out that she has a deep love of plants. Houseplants, flowers, even fruit and vegetables. Anything that grows in the ground.

Laura’s given her all kinds of seeds, gardening gloves, a watering can, and even her very own plant to keep in their room.

Pearl’s not expecting much. So she’s more than a little shocked to find a STEM construction set, her very own Folgers, a light exploration kit and a chemistry set. She’s nervous opening the gifts, and Dominique is, too. They both underreact, by Levi’s standards, but Laura and Michael don’t seem to mind.

It all seems like way too much, especially combined with Levi’s dog book, an illustrated version of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, and a game called Guess in 10 (Animal Planet) and a Lego Technic car.

Pearl sighs, sipping her coffee.

Somehow, even with all their lives changing the way they have, Christmas still came.

Pearl’s not sure how to feel right now. She should feel happy. She and Levi and Dominique got really nice things - things they really wanted. And they’re safe besides. 

But happiness is not the first feeling available to her.


	22. Outcome

The new year came super fast.

There was not enough time for Levi to enjoy all of his Christmas toys. But he did get to visit his mom and see Hagrid!

At school, they are busy with tons of stuff. In music, they’re getting ready for their spring program. They’re doing science fair stuff and everything.

In art, they’re doing really hard stuff, using all different mediums. Levi isn’t so good at art. Mrs. Johnson usually makes sure all the kids are nice to each other, but she’s not the art teacher. The art teacher is Mrs. Block.

And when another kid in his class, Freddy, decides he needs more space, he knocks a full cup of paintbrush water all over Levi.

He backs off and jumps up.

Freddy starts laughing,  _ “Look! Levi peed his pants!” _

Levi’s face burns hot.

Mrs. Block calls Levi off to the side and says she’ll take care of this. Levi hopes Freddy will get detention. But she just talks to Levi instead.

“Your mom’s on her way with new clothes for you,” she reassures. “You can wait for her in the hall if you want.

Levi kinda can’t wait for Laura to get here. But he’s kinda embarrassed to have her see him looking like this. He’s thinking of sneaking off to the bathroom to see if he can dry off with paper towels, but his jeans will still be stained green from the paint.

“Levi?” 

Levi freezes. He can’t look up. This can’t be happening. 

Carla. Pearl’s mom is here. Not Laura. Not even his own real mom. Mrs. Block must’ve got his phone numbers mixed up.

“Your teacher said you needed clothes. What happened?” she asks, like she really cares. Like she’s nice. Like everything’s normal.

Levi doesn’t think. He gets up and runs. He knows no running in the hall is a rule but this is a special case. He runs all the way back to his classroom, 5J, and slams the door.

Tears are running down his cheeks. “Please… Please help me, Mrs. J…” he begs, rushing to her desk and darting under it.

“Levi, what’s the matter?” Mrs. Johnson asks, concerned.

Levi can’t answer, he’s folded himself up tight and small under the desk. And he can hear the minute Mrs. Johnson does see what’s wrong. She gets up and stands behind her chair, so that it’s blocking under the desk.

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” Mrs. Johnson says, using a not-friendly voice.

“Listen. I’m not here to cause any trouble. His art teacher called me. Said he needed other clothes?” Carla says.

Under the desk, Levi shakes. He wants Daddy. He wants his own mom. Pearl. Hagrid. Even Michael or Laura or anybody but her. Anything but this.

“There was obviously a mistake,” Mrs. Johnson says. Levi can hear her picking up the phone. “Hi, I need the resource officer in 5J. Now.”

“There’s no need to call reinforcements. I’ll just leave these here for him,” Carla says.

Levi feels like throwing up. Knows if he didn’t run he would’ve had to put these clothes on. Maybe he still will…

He hears the voices of the resource officer and Carla talking as they walk down the hall, getting quieter and quieter.

Finally, Mrs. J. checks under the desk for Levi. “Are you okay, Levi? She’s gone. I promise.”

But Levi won’t come out. If he comes out and Carla comes back and sees him, then what? If he comes out and Mrs. J. says he has to change into those clothes, then what?

He just stays there shaking.

\--

Pearl’s in second hour when her phone lights up with a text. She checks it under her desk.

**Mom:**

_ Elementary school’s art teacher called me at home. Unbelievable. Then your dear little brother ran from me. Your new family better teach him some manners. _

Pearl’s heart beats double time as she texts Mom back:

**Pearl:**

_ Are you still there? _

**Mom:**

_ No. His teacher acted like I was some kind of threat. Hello, the school called ME. Got to talk to the hot resource officer, though… _

Pearl’s gut roils at the string of heart-eyes emojis at the end of Mom’s texts. She asks for the bathroom pass, leaving her bag behind so as not to look suspicious and then takes off running.

She leaves the high school and crosses the street to the elementary school, where, lucky for her, she follows someone else inside.

The people in the front office know her, but she still signs in, her signature hurried, and then runs to Levi’s classroom. 

The light is on, but it looks empty.

She taps on the door, and his teacher, Mrs. Johnson, pops up from behind her desk.

Pearl waves, frantic. She’s out of breath when Levi’s teacher comes and opens the door. 

“Hi, I’m Levi’s sister, and I--” she begins as Levi barrels into her, sobbing. He holds tight to her. He’s shaking.

Pearl comes inside far enough to close the door and then gets down and holds him. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry…” she apologizes.

Levi can’t even speak.

He just keeps holding on - painfully tight - to her.

Pearl manages to get a hand free, and takes out her phone. Texts 911 to Laura, and their location, because unlike at her mother’s house - this does count as an emergency.

\--

It’s the last thing Laura expects to walk into Linda Johnson’s class and find Pearl there, Levi wrapped around her, and inconsolable.

Linda relays the situation in a hushed whisper, away from Levi: “Wilma Block evidently had an old contact number...for Carla West...and called her to bring Levi new clothes to art class today. Levi came running into my class here, just before Carla did. Very shaken up. He hid under my desk. I had security escort her out. Pearl arrived shortly after.”

“Thank you,” Laura says, but she doesn’t feel thankful at all. Her heart is racing, and she knows she needs to calm down if she’s going to be there for Levi (and Pearl, too.)

“Hey, guys…” she greets quietly, getting down on the floor near them. “You want to call it a day? Go see if Michael’s home yet on lunch break?”

Levi nods into Pearl’s chest and she begins to rise with him.

“I can take him,” Laura offers 

But Levi wraps his arms and legs around Pearl, tight. He’s shaking. Whimpering.

“Okay. You’re right, Levi. I’m sorry. I should have asked first. If you’d rather have Pearl carry you, that’s your choice.”

They get to the car. 

Pearl’s mildly concerned about her bag, still in one of the sophomore classes and the block of wood that she inadvertently stole - the bathroom pass she’d needed as an excuse to leave class and get to Levi.

Trying to convince Levi to sit beside Pearl in a seat and not in her lap is an ordeal.

“We have time, Levi. We have lots of time, okay?” Laura reassures, even though, her mind is split eight thousand directions, knowing she’s missing Michael right now. That he’ll be concerned and wondering where she is and what’s up. 

Levi hangs on tighter to Pearl, who winces.

“I can hold him,” Pearl bargains. “I don’t mind. I’ll make sure the seatbelt is around both of us.”

“Pearl, I appreciate that you wanna help Levi feel safe. But in order for all of us to be safe, we need to be in our seats. Levi needs to be in his own seat...which is right next to you...so you can hold hands…”

Laura tries sending nonverbal messages to Pearl, urging her to help Levi cooperate here. There’s so little that can be done to soothe him here in a school parking lot.

“Yeah, hey, Levi?” Pearl asks. “If you sit in this seat right here - you can hold onto me with both your hands, okay? I’m going to be right in this seat the whole time. And we’ll get to the house and I’ll pick you up again right away, okay?”

Laura can hear it - barely - when Levi rasps out in a whisper. “Not her.”

“No. We’re not going to her house. We’re going to Michael and Laura’s house. You and me and Laura. When you can sit in your seat and get buckled for safety, we can go.”

Faster than Laura thinks possible, Levi scampers off Pearl’s lap and into the booster seat nearby. He’s shaking, so he allows Pearl to buckle him in. Laura notices his shirt and jeans are wet and remembers vaguely the reason Carla West was called in the first place.

She drives them home in silence, checking every so often to see Pearl’s hand clasped in both of Levi’s in the rearview mirror.


	23. Replacement

When they get to the house, Levi’s still clinging tight to Pearl, just in case Laura changes her mind and thinks he’s bad and sends him back.

He can’t talk right now. Maybe, he won’t be able to ever again. His throat feels stiff. Like there’s a rock in it, in the way of all his words.

Levi’s on the couch, in Pearl’s lap, when Laura suggests changing out of his wet clothes.

He doesn’t think.

Levi just darts off Pearl’s lap and down the hall to the room he stays in here. He slams the door and moves all his Lego’s out from under the bed. He goes under, and then pulls them back around him like a plastic shield, keeping him protected.

\--

“I… I don’t know if I’m supposed to tell you this…” Pearl ventures. “If it counts as gossip and we’ll have to have a calm discussion...or if it counts as Levi’s private business or what…”

Laura takes a seat on the floor, looking up at Pearl on the couch. “What does your gut say?”

“My gut has been so wrong, Laura,” Pearl almost begs. “I can’t trust it.”

“You can. It’s safe to practice trusting it here. What does your gut say about this information?” Laura asks, pressing gently.

Pearl takes her time, stretching her tense tired arm muscles. She sends a regretful look at the bathroom pass and tries not to think about which classmate might go through her bag while she’s not there. Then she remembers, they did go by the high school to pick it up. Pearl just hadn’t had the forethought to return the bathroom pass in those moments.

Stupid.

“I think…” she starts slowly. “That if it isn’t something you know already...maybe you should.”

“I’m listening,” Laura encourages. “You won’t be in trouble, Pearl. I promise. Whatever it is…”

Pearl swallows. Drops her voice to a whisper, and leans in. “Well...you know that my mom...she hurt Levi in the shower, don’t you?”

“No, I didn’t,” Laura admits.

“So...maybe...talking to him about changing his clothes? That might scare him. Especially since he just saw her. With clothes. And the expectation of changing them.”

“Thank you for telling me that,” Laura nods. “I think that makes a lot of sense.”

“I’m going to go check on him.” Pearl says. “He hasn’t talked. It’s worrying me.”

“He was quiet when he first got here, too, but he came around after a while. You understood him perfectly and he didn’t say a word to you. So keep paying attention to his actions, and don’t push him to talk. Trust that he’s communicating with you the way he can.”

“Okay,” Pearl nods, taking a deep breath and standing up.

“Hey, Pearl? How did you know your mom came to school for Levi?” Laura asks.

“She texted me,” Pearl admits. “I didn’t talk to her, I swear. I only asked if she was still there, because I wanted to be sure Levi was okay.”

“Okay. You’re not in trouble,” Laura reassures. “She was the adult in the situation, honey. It was her responsibility to tell the art teacher she had the wrong number. Are _you_ okay?”

“I will be. Once Levi is,” Pearl says, determined.

\--

There’s a tap on Levi’s door.

He can’t answer. Can’t tell whoever it is to go away.

“Levi? It’s Pearl. May I come in?”

_Yes_ , he says right inside his head. But no sound comes out of his mouth.

“Laura said maybe talking is hard right now. Can you...open the door if you want me to come in?”

Levi knocks twice on the plastic container.

“Okay, I heard you. Two knocks. But you’re not opening the door. Does two knocks mean no?”

Levi knocks once. Hopes Pearl gets it. She’s smart. The smartest in the whole wide world.

“One knock for yes?” she checks.

Levi knocks again.

“Two for no?” she asks.

One knock.

“Okay. May I open your door and come in myself?”

Levi knocks one time.

“Okay. I’m going to come in. Just me, okay?”

One knock again.

Levi can see Pearl’s feet in socks as she comes in. Knows she’ll see his very neat room. After a couple seconds, Pearl drops down and he can see her eyes over the edge of one of the containers.

“Hi,” she says softly. “I know Laura might have scared you by asking you that question earlier.”

Levi curls up even tighter by the wall.

“You don’t have to,” Pearl reassures.

Levi’s still shaking. He reaches one hand out to find hers. Grabs on.

“There are lots of other things you could do instead…” Pearl says quiet.

Levi traces a question mark onto her hand.

“Like what? Oh...like...maybe you could...stand in front of a fan and have it dry you?”

Levi knocks twice - gentle fists - against Pearl’s palm.

“Okay. No fan. Um… What about a hairdryer? That’s warm air?” she asks.

Levi doesn’t like the sound it makes. He doesn’t like the bathroom. But he hates being all wet like this.

He pushes the boxes out first and crawls out behind them. Into her lap. He knocks once into her hand.

“Yes, the hairdryer?” she asks.

He knocks again, but this time points to the carpet, where they sit. He wants to do it here. Not in the bathroom. He hates the bathroom.

“Carpet?” Pearl asks.

He jabs at the carpet with his finger.

“You said...you do want the hairdryer… So… I can carry you? We can get it, and I can dry you off.”

Levi knocks twice. And twice. And twice.

He’s frozen. All his words trapped inside.

“You don’t want me to carry you?” Pearl tries again.

Two more knocks. Hesitantly, Levi points to himself. To her. To the carpet again.

“You want us...to stay here?” Pearl asks. “We’re going to stay here, Levi. We’re not going anywhere.”

He draws his knees up to under his chin and buries his face in them, crying quietly. He’s just going to have to stay wet forever.

Nobody understands him when he’s like this.

He _can_ talk. He just won’t. That’s what Carla used to say.

He shivers.

“Laura?” Pearl calls.

Levi jerks his head up, eyes wide. Is Pearl going to make sure he’s in big trouble now for not talking?

“Yeah?” Laura says back from the living room. 

“Is it okay if we use the hairdryer in Levi’s room? To dry him off?”

Levi locks onto Pearl with his eyes. So she did understand him after all.

“Sure. Did you need me to bring it to you guys?” Laura asks.

“Please,” Pearl says.

\--

Laura makes quick work of stopping by the bathroom, for the hairdryer. Then, she’s at Levi’s door, knocking. “It’s Laura. I have the hairdryer. May I come in?”

“Levi says yes,” Pearl passes along.

Laura can tell both are surprised when she gets comfortable on the floor with them. Levi’s cautious, watching her. Wary.

“You’ve seen a hairdryer before, right?” Laura asks, her tone almost playful. 

Levi nods.

“It blows warm hair and dries people’s hair usually. But you two are so right. It can also help dry other things. Like clothes that are a little damp. As a safe adult, it’s part of my job to be sure you can dry off safely. I don’t want the temperature to be too hot for you.”

Levi’s face is unreadable, but Laura sees when he points to Pearl.

“He says no. He wants me to,” Pearl interprets.

“I see. What if, you sit on Pearl’s lap, and she’s with you the whole time? Would that help?” Laura asks.

Levi doesn’t respond in a way Laura can understand.

It looks like he’s not responding at all.

“Should I turn on the hairdryer so you can hear how it sounds?” Laura asks.

“Yes,” Pearl says on Levi’s behalf.

So, Laura turns the hairdryer on its lowest setting. “Would you like to feel the warm air with your hand?” she asks.

Levi sticks one hand out fast and then takes it back.

“See? It blows warm air. It doesn’t hurt. Okay. What about… Would you like to blow it on me?”

Levi nods, for the first time.

“So, just hold it around the handle. Don’t touch any of the buttons, please. There you go. Oh, thank you, that’s so nice and warm,” Laura beams at him. Levi has it aimed at her hair, which is perfectly dry.

Then, he sets it on the floor between them.

“Is it okay if I dry your shirt and your pants with this? So, it just blows on you? I won’t touch you,” she promises.

Levi nods.

And Laura begins. It doesn’t take long for Levi to start giving a thumbs up motion, pointing at the ceiling.

“You want more of something?” Laura turns off the hairdryer and signs _more._ She doesn’t know a lot of ASL but she knows a little, and maybe this will help Levi when he can’t speak.

He nods again, signing _more_ and then adding a sign she has never seen, but it looks like Levi is breathing fire. 

“That’s _dragon_ ,” Pearl points out. 

“Ah. More _heat_?” Laura asks. She only knows the sign _more_ so she keeps that one incorporated, while she talks. “I can bring up the heat a little bit.” She clicks it to the middle level. 

“ _More heat,”_ Levi insists, subbing the sign for _dragon._

“I’m sorry, honey,” Laura says, signing her apology. “This is as high as it can safely go.”

Levi sighs and settles back against Pearl, allowing Laura to dry his clothes.

“Are you sure it’s okay to teach him that?” Pearl asks in a whisper.

Levi’s eyebrows knit together.

“Why don’t we ask Levi? Since he’s right here. Do you like having a way to communicate when you can’t speak?” Laura asks as she finishes up. His jeans and shirt still have a green tint.

He nods. Humor shines in his eyes as he points to the green, to himself and does the _dragon_ sign again.

“ _Yes, I’m a dragon_ ,” he grins.

“You sure are a dragon,” Laura nods, smiling back at him.

He bounds off Pearl’s lap and out the door.

“My mom would say that’s enabling him,” Pearl comments softly, once Levi’s out of ear shot.

“Well, if someone can’t do something, finding a way for them to do it, that’s called adapting. And that’s a very good thing.” Laura reassures.

“This is so confusing….” Pearl admits.

“I’m sure it is. And we’ll find some time to talk. But right now, I need to make sure Levi’s got someone with him. And you, too. What do you say? Wanna hang out?” Laura asks.

Pearl laughs a little. “I suppose I have some time,” she admits.

And she follows Laura out to the living room, where Levi’s found the remote and is channel surfing.

For the moment, things are calm.


End file.
